Marriage is a Covenant Before
God, Matthew 19:3-6
At this point in
Matthew we come to one of the central passages in Scripture addressing the
issue of marriage. Often, as will be seen in the heading of your Bibles, the
emphasis is placed on marriage and divorce, but the real point here in terms of
Jesus' answer is that He is addressing the biblical standard for marriage. As
we will see in this time period of training His disciples He is training them
for their future ministry that will come during the church age, and so it
during this time that He is going to be emphasizing what the standards will be
for Christians, the standards for Christian marriage.
This is one of those
topics that can be pretty tough for some people. I realize that in any
congregation, in any audience today there is a large number of people who have
been divorced and many others who have been deeply touched by divorce, and
often the subject is quite sensitive to people who have gone through divorce.
We live in an age
where many people, many Christians, have gone through divorce for many
different reasons—some legitimate, some perhaps not legitimate—and many have
remarried. You may look around, you may know people and not have any idea about
what may have gone on in their past, and that's fine. But I want you to
understand that as we look at this topic we are not looking at it to create any
guilt or to focus on any thing that is judgmental. We have to always be
reminded that God is a God of grace; He always meets us where we are. Fail as
we might time and time again God never says we need to get back to point A
before He will start dealing with us in grace again. He always meets us where
we are and always provides for us. He is the God who renews us, He gives us new
beginnings, and He enables us to begin to grow and to blossom wherever we are
as we learn to walk with Him.
So as we look at this
topic of marriage it is not about looking back to whatever problems or failures
or mistakes we may have made but it is about helping all of us understand what
God's standard is for marriage, and for those of us who are married to remind
us of the importance that God places on marriage. Because we live in a culture
that has gradually diluted and minimized and reduced the significance of
marriage to the point that one reason the divorce rate is down is not because
people are happier in marriage, it is because they are just not getting
married, they are just living together and there is no divorce statistic when
they break up.
We need to understand
God's viewpoint on marriage so that it can strengthen our own marriages and
perhaps in one way or another among those around us we can encourage them with
the doctrine from the Scripture that is accurately based upon the Word of God.
One thing I want to emphasize
and will emphasize again and again is that we live in a world where there are
certain legalists who have made certain sins—whether it is marriage, divorce,
homosexuality, adultery, drunkenness or whatever it might be—taboos, and if you
commit those sins you are somehow outside the pale of God's grace and God's
forgiveness. The Scripture is very clear that every sin was paid for on the
cross and no sin is worse than any other in relation to God, though some have
worse consequences in our lives than others.
We need to be
reminded that when it comes to something related to divorce and remarriage
these are very personal. When someone has gone through a divorce this is an
extremely difficult and painful circumstance, and even teaching about the
subject, just talking about it sometimes, can bring up memories that we have
sought to lock away somewhere so that we don't have to focus on them. But God's
grace is such that He is able to help us grow through those challenges, those
difficulties as we come to realize the forgiveness of God. Whatever is past is
past; this is about what God expects of us from this point on so that we can
move forward in our Christian life and continue to pursue the standard of God in
our lives.
One thing we need to
be aware of. A lot of times folks are going through difficult circumstances in
marriage that we are not always aware of. There is always the lie that seeps
into our soul that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. But I
have yet to find grass on the other side of the fence that doesn't need to be
cut, doesn't need to be fertilized and doesn't need to be taken care of. So
there is this lie that somehow it can be different, and we need to be careful
about that.
Divorce is arguably
the most disastrous, the most painful, most destructive and devastating things
that you can go through in your life. It is like an IED that goes off and just
keeps exploding down through the years. It all depends on how large your family
is. If you have a large family, if you have children, it not only reverberates
through your in-laws and through your children but maybe even down to your
grandchildren. And if you have children and go through divorce then your
ex-spouse is going to be a part of your life; the father or mother of your
children is going to be very much a part of your life for as long as you or
they are alive. The larger the family, the larger the impact. So just because
you get a divorce decree it does not mean that is the end of your relationship
with your ex-spouse. In some cases, sadly, there will be misery and heartache
as a result of that that will never go away. Some people think that if they
just get that divorce everything will be okay. That, too, is part of the lie.
All of us have
witnessed the destruction of divorce both personally as well as in terms of our
nation. I want you to think a little bit about what has happened to our culture
in relation to how our culture views divorce.
Since the 1970s and
the advent of no-fault divorce the institutions of marriage and family have
fragmented to the point of such destruction that it is destroying our nation.
The basic foundational institutions that support a nation are all threatened
simply because the marriage and family have fallen apart in our culture.
I can think back
before 1965 when it was a rare and shameful thing for someone to go through a
divorce. In fact, I was always told that my grandfather had died when my Dad
was young, and I didn't find out until I was almost 50 years old that my
grandmother was divorced—not once but three times.
When I was young,
maybe about 8 years old, I hadn't seen my best friend down the street for a
couple of days and my parents sat me down one night to break the news to me that
his parents were getting a divorce. It was such monumental news that this was
time for a little family meeting to get together and explain what was happening
and its seriousness. That was probably the first time I truly knew of a
divorce, and by the time I graduated from high school in 1970 I probably knew
of only five or six people who were part of a divorce. Ten years later, by
1980, almost half of the marriages in this country were ending in divorce. That
is a monumental cultural shift. And most of those were going through divorces
for no other reason than somebody's personal, lustful desires, or they just
needed to find themselves or they just needed to find some fulfilment. But most
of those failed marriages didn't have anything to do with the biblical
standards or exceptions for divorce.
The collapse of
marriage in this country has destabilized this country in more ways than we can
imagine. It has destabilized it in terms of personal finances. Those of us who
know people who have gone through divorces have seen them lose almost
everything they have financially—if not to the divorce lawyers, then to their
ex-spouse. It has wiped out wealth again and again and again. This has had a
devastating effect on the national economy, a horrible impact on education, has
caused the courts to be just flooded with cases, not mention the individual
personal problems that have developed in terms of people's psychological
wellbeing, and not to mention what can take place in terms of business and
productivity when you have an employing who is so distracted by his personal
trauma that he can't do his job well.
In fact, one
sociologist has pointed out that there is no problem in our country that can
trace its way back to a stable, peaceful, structured, functional home. Think
about that. Divorce is a cancer from which almost all of our social evils
derive when we think about what is going on in our culture.
In the 1960s we
rejected absolutes. We took prayer out of school, we started moving God out of
the culture, and the role of Christianity in our culture began to be more and
more marginalized so that without an anchor in absolute right or wrong the
divine institutions began to crumble in the late sixties. A lot of what we see
going on in government today is the result of the collapse of understanding of
the divine institutions of government and nationalism that took place in the
sixties generation. Personal responsibility began to collapse, and when
personal responsibility collapses then marriage is going to collapse because
people aren't taking accountability for their relationship, their marriage and
their personal lives, and that is going to have a devastating impact on those.
So we saw the divine
institution of personal responsibility begin to fall apart and that dominoed
through marriages and families, and now through society. Without moral
absolutes moral permissiveness reigns supreme, and that has impacted the
church. When a culture goes into moral relativism it always impacts the
Christians. Believers in the Old Testament and believers today always mirrored
the values of the culture of which they come.
But that violates the
promise of God. The hope of Scripture is that God is a God of redemption and
and that He is the one who transforms cursing into blessing. He is the one who
can redeem those corrupted divine institutions though, first of all,
recognizing that Christ died for sins, and through personal redemption and
spiritual growth God can transform an irresponsible person into someone who is
responsible; someone who is self-centered and self-absorbed into someone who is
productive spiritually, focused upon Christ in his life, and growing to
maturity so that his character reflects the character of Jesus Christ.
It is the grace of
God that enables marriages between two corrupt, nasty, self-centered Christians
to be transformed together to serving Christ and glorifying Him in their
relationship. It is through the grace of God as people submit to the Word of
God that culture is formed, and if our culture were to go back to a biblical
foundation we would solve the problems that we face in the economy, we would
solve the problems that we have in education, in government and all of these
different things. But there is no political party, no political platform, no political
policy or piece of legislation that can fix the problems of our society because
it wasn't a lack of these things that caused the problems. It was a spiritual
failure, it was a rejection of the divine institutions, a rejection of the
absolutes of the Word of God. The only thing that can truly transform the
culture and solve these problems is for individuals to refocus on the
redemptive grace of God and the provision of His Word.
But of course, that
presupposes that people focus on the cross, that people turn to the cross and
trust in Jesus Christ, humble themselves before God recognizing there is
nothing we can do to save ourselves, Jesus Christ did everything.
That is why
understanding the doctrine of marriage—which would include the doctrine of
divorce and remarriage—is so critical and why we need to take a couple of weeks
to work our way through this passage. People have so many questions. The
Scriptural teaching is really complex. A lot of people don't realize that, but
it is interesting how the number of verses that are involved in this—nor
specifically in this passage but correlations to it—involve real translation
challenges in the original languages.
As we get into this I
want us to think about this topic biblically. Some sitting here who are maybe
still struggling with some personal issues related to divorce need to
understand it in a more personal way. First of all, let's think about three
basic things to remember.
a. God's standard for
marriage, divorce and remarriage is a divine absolute. It is not any different
to any other divine absolute that many of us fail to reach time and again. That
is not a justification for failure, that is a recognition of reality that we
are fallen creatures who live in a fallen world but God establishes these
standards for our lives. That means that God's standards are not to be
minimized, diluted or rationalized away just because they are difficult. For
the believer God's standards in the spiritual life are not difficult, they are
impossible. But God has given us His Word and a Helper, a PARAKLETOS, the Holy Spirit who indwells us and fills us, and if
we walk with Him He will gives us the strength and ability to solve the
problems—maybe not in two weeks or two months or two years, but He will give us
the strength to obey God's Word.
b. Just as in
spiritual failure in other areas of our lives if we fail spiritually in this
area then it is not an unforgiveable sin, it doesn't sideline you from
spiritual service for the rest of your life. You don't become some sort of
second class citizen because you have failure, you've had a sinful divorce and
a wrong remarriage. It is extremely important to realize that if personal sin
was involved in any previous marital failure then this is not a special
category of sin. The way some pastors and theologians talk about it though it
puts a lot of guilt and legalism on a lot of people and they seem to think that
they have been permanently sidelined from the Christian life. That is not true.
Others teach in error that that puts you in a permanent state of adultery.
You've remarried. That is not what the Word of God teaches at all. All this is
based on a false legalistic pseudo righteousness that grows out of a lack of
grace orientation.
On the other hand we
have to recognize that there are a lot of people who just abuse grace and they
get into such difficulties not just marriage but other areas of life and say, I
am just not going to persevere in obedience, I am just going to confess my sin
and move on. That is licentiousness, antinomianism. It does not honor God and
it does not allow us to see the grace of God work to transform a situation,
whether it is difficulties have with somebody you have to work with, whether it
is raising a difficult child, whether it is dealing with difficult parents,
whether it is living with an oppressive government that is hostile to
Christianity.
Think about the
apostle Paul. If the Lord Jesus Christ had come to him between the time he
accepted Christ on the road to Damascus and the time that his eyes were opened
in Damascus and the Lord said: “Here is what I am asking you to do. I want you
to make this decision right now. You are going to be shipwrecked a number of
times, the Jews are going to beat you with rods on numerous occasions, you are
going to be thrown into jail, you are going to have to sleep on the ground a
lot, disrespected and devalued day in and day out; and this is going to go on
for the next forty years of your life. Are you ready to follow me?”
Well, what if that
is: “You made a commitment to get into this marriage, and this marriage is not
going to be what you thought it would be. You may not feel fulfilled, you may
not be happy, and you may not feel appreciated, and you may be dealing with
somebody who is always irritating you, aggravating you and just doesn't think
the way you think, but to glorify me I want you to stay in that marriage
because there is not a justifiable reason to get out of it.”
That is one area of
challenge and difficulty in this life that is set before some people. Other
people have challenges in health, some in economics and finances, and in many
other areas. But the Lord calls us to walk with Him through the valley of the
shadow of death. Remember, suffering and difficulties and challenges don't
indicate that you are out of God's will. Maybe they indicate, as they did for
Paul, that he was in God's will.
c. We have to
remember that there are absolutes that enable people to go into marriage. These
absolutes allow people to go into marriage realizing that there are no easy
outs. That means you are going to stick
with it. Marriage is fundamentally a contract; your word is your bond. It is a
covenant before God. If you lived in a pre-1960s America you understand that
your word is your bond. You are to be faithful to your word no matter what. But
once we get into an era of moral relativism then contractual obligations and
covenantal responsibilities are easily rationalized. The end result of that is
that you have the Word of God Church in Kiev, Ukraine signing a contract with
the Bradaslava Hotel that they can meet every Sunday for a year. But then
somebody else comes along during that year and says: “I want to rent that space
for the whole day and you are going to make more money”. What happens? If you
are in a culture of relativism contracts and covenants become meaningless when
they are not convenient and so the manager picks up the phone and says they can
meet there next Sunday but it is your last Sunday. You can't build stability in
a society or in a marriage if you don't have a view of a covenant that you are
going to have to be absolutely faithful to. That is the standard.
So having absolutes
enables people to realize that there are no easy outs and to work through the
problems. I have been a pastor for a lot of years now and have seen a lot of
stories. I've seen it with close friends, I've seen it in the lives of a lot of
people, and they go in with their rose colored glasses on and as soon they hit
a couple of speed bumps it's like, how can I find an out? That is part of what
is going on in this chapter and part of the background is the views of the
Pharisees.
We have to remember
some basic principles. First of all, there are no perfect marriages. There are
no perfect people. That person that you married, as long as they are walking
with the Lord they can be a wonderful productive person that you can enjoy very
much. The same thing applies to you as well! But if that person is letting
their sin nature have free reign it doesn't matter how wonderful they are the
other times it is not going to be real pleasant.
People get the idea
about what is the right one, special for me? But that right, special person has
a nasty corrupt, unclean sin nature. And when that is reigning it doesn't
matter how nice it may be when things are good. When you get two sinners who
are operating on their sin natures nothing good ever comes out of that.
Marriage vows usually
include phrases like this: “It is for better, for worse, for richer for poorer,
good times or bad.” What people hear is this: “For better … for richer ... for
good times … in health.” They never hear the negatives. But you are standing
they are really saying or promising that you are going to love, honor and
cherish this person in the worst times, in the poorest times and the
unhealthiest times. But the part that I am going to add is “in carnality and
spirituality”.
The thing to remember
is that it takes two people to make a marriage but it only takes one person to
destroy a marriage. One person operating on negative volition can take a hike
and no matter what the other person does, and it may have nothing whatsoever to
do with the other person, that person can destroy the marriage. However,
recovery is always possible. But to recover it is going to take two to make it
work.
No matter how
wonderful a relationship is between two people when they are both applying
doctrine, walking in the Spirit, if they are operating on the sin nature it can
be a disaster. That is one reason that people need to be in Bible class all the
time, constantly reminding themselves of what the standard is and the
faithfulness of God.
Many people have
thought there is one right person for them. There are a lot of problems with
that view but even if you believe that you have to recognize that that one
right person can be just the worst person in the world when they are operating
on their sin nature. By God's grace redemption allows each of us to live above
the control of our sin nature, and both husband and wife who are walking
together in the Lord will grow closer to each other as they grow closer to the
Lord, and as a result of that they are going to have a relationship that is
truly redeemed by the grace of God.
Lastly, marriage is
one of the tools that God uses to sanctify us. Think about that. You are
married to that person with a sin nature in order for both of you to learn to
walk with the Lord a little better and not to give in to selfish desires. You
can't be truly selfish if you are married to somebody, and as a man you have to
love your wife as Christ loved the church. Or, as a wife you have to submit to
your husband as unto the Lord. Both of those commands run 180 degrees counter
to your sin nature.
I have made a list of
some basic questions that need to be answered, and that we will answer. These
are the kind of questions that most of us ask.
1.
Does Jesus intend in these two references in Matthew to provide and
exhaustive answer to the question related to marriage and divorce? Some people
say, yes. The problem with that is in 1 Corinthians 7 Paul gives other
additional information. So that tells us that Jesus is not trying to give an
exhaustive answer to the divorce and remarriage question, He is simply
answering the question that the Pharisees are asking Him. He is not saying
everything there is to say, He is not giving a universal principle, because
Paul had something later on.
2.
Do the statements by Jesus and Paul provide the only basis for divorce
and remarriage? Or are they providing a framework of case law? The Old
Testament Law, the 613 commandments on the Mosaic Law, are based on case law.
They don't address every issue; they give us a parameter that sort of sets the
boundaries for an issue. Many circumstances and situations aren't covered in
Scripture. What happens if your spouse is involved in criminality? What if they
are abusive? What if they are an alcoholic? What if they have a problem with
gambling and are wiping out all of the family's resources and destroying the
family?
3.
Does the Bible treat the marriage union as an unbreakable, indissoluble
covenant? Or is the marriage covenant, as significant and permanent as it
should be, still a breakable covenant? Some people teach that marriage is a
permanent ontological union that can never be broken, and that even if you get
a divorce in a divorce court you are still married in God's eyes. That is their
view. We have to look at that and see what the Scripture says about that.
Sometimes people take the translation in this chapter, look down at the last
statement that Jesus makes, verse 6: “What
therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” “Let no man separate” is an
imperative verb, which means this is something you ought not do. If it was in
the indicative mood it would mean this is something you cannot do. There are
people who translate that as if Jesus is saying you can't separate them. He
isn't saying that. He is saying this is something so serious, so significant
that you ought not do it because the ramifications are going to be bad.
4.
Do we have accurate translations of some of these key verses on the
subject? Often you will hear people quote from Malachi 2:16: “I [God] hate
divorce.” In a Russian translation this verse was translated: “If you hate your
wife, divorce her”! Of the seven or eight translations of the extremely
difficult and ambiguous Hebrew of that verse that is one of the top four ways
you can translate the Hebrew. Interesting, but I don't think that is what it is
saying. The only point I'm making is it is not as far fetched as people think.
But I'll tell you one thing. Most English translations say, “God hates divorce”
or “I hate divorce”. I've been digging into this thing and reading technical
monographs on the Hebrew of this for the last three or four days, and that is
not what it is saying. It doesn't mean God is justifying divorce or being
permissive, it is just that that isn't what it is saying in the context.
5.
We need to say something about what Paul says in 1 Corinthians chapter
seven in terms of desertion as well as deal with contemporary situations—what
gives us a parameter for dealing with these other areas.
6.
We need to realize that in our times there are basically three views
that we will find in any given evangelical church. I can go to evangelical
scholars who are conservative who are not trying to in any way become
permissive or invalidate the text or any of those things, and you will find
these three views: a. That God doesn't allow for divorce in any situation—maybe
separation but that's it. b. Divorce is allowable but remarriage is only under
limited circumstances. c. Divorce is legitimate when the marriage doesn't seem
to work, and any divorce allows for remarriage. So we can find fifteen biblical
experts on any side of this question but I find few that have taken the time to
really, truly, profoundly study this. I've been looking at this for about 30
years.
The bottom line is, no matter what has happened in
your past, no matter what decisions you have made that are bad, wrong, immoral,
foolish, whatever, Christ paid the penalty for those sins. There is forgiveness
at the cross and after we are saved there is still forgiveness and we can move
forward. God wiped the slate clean when we confessed our sin.
We have to recognize that God has communicated He has
intended to be understand, and so we can, I believe, understand what is going
on.
As we get into Matthew chapter 19 we recognize that
what has happened here is part of this section from chapter 13 to chapter 22
where Jesus is training the twelve and is on His way to Jerusalem. Along the
way He is going to increase His condemnation of the religious leaders and they
are going to react to them. He is going to use those reaction conversations to
teach critical points to His disciples. And so in chapter nineteen He is going
to teach about marriage and divorce, and also in relationship to children as we
get a little further on.
What we see here at the beginning is that they tried
to set another trap for Him. It is important to understand that when they set
up this question they are trying to entrap Him. They are not coming from a
position of intellectual curiosity and really want to know that the truth is
here, they want to set a trap and catch Him in some way.
Matthew 19:3 NASB “{Some} Pharisees
came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, 'Is it lawful {for a man} to divorce his
wife for any reason at all?'” It is a participle of purpose there: “in order to
test Him”. They are trying to trap Him. Basically they are saying: What should
happen here? In Phariseeism there were two schools of thought. One was, you can
divorce your wife for any reason you want to. The other view was that you not
only could divorce for the cause of sexual immorality but you had to divorce
for the cause of sexual immorality. So they want to catch Jesus: Which side are
you going to come out on? And Jesus didn't come out on either side.
The house of Shammai (a well-known rabbi) – one school
of interpretation of Deuteronomy 24—says a man should divorce his wife only
because he has found grounds for it in unchastity. But Shammai said you have to
divorce. In the ancient world in Greco-Roman law and in most ancient Near
Eastern law, as well as the view of Shammai, if there was sexual immorality you
had to divorce. That was mandatory. And divorce always carried with it the
right of remarriage.
Gittim 9:10:
A The House of Shammai say, “A man should
divorce his wife only because he has found grounds for it in unchastity, B
“since it is said, Because he has found in her indecency in anything (Deut.
24:).” C And the House of Hillel say, “Even if she spoiled his dish, D “since
it is said, Because he has found in her indecency in anything.” E R. Aqiba
says, “Even if he found someone else prettier than she, F “since it is said,
And it shall be if she find no favor in his eyes (Deut. 24:1).”
(KETUBAH 7:6)
• Giving a husband untithed food
• Uttering a vow and not fulfilling it
• Going out in public with her hair
unbound
• Speaking with any man in public
What this reflects is a low view of marriage. And this
is why when Jesus addresses this He changes the focus. Scholars are in
universal consensus that Deuteronomy 24 isn't giving any basis for divorce; it
is recognizing what is going on. If the wife is legitimately and she remarries
she is not to come back to the first husband. But it wasn't giving the
conditions or the basis for divorce in the Law. The scholarly consensus states
that: “The intent of this casuistic law is neither to authorize divorce or to
stipulate its proper grounds, nor to establish its requisite procedure. Rather
its sole concern is to prohibit the restoration of a marriage after an
intervening marriage.”
Jesus says to the Pharisees that they are using
Deuteronomy 24 to find a loophole so you can get out of a marriage.
But let's go back to the original intent of marriage.
Matthew 19:4 NASB “And He answered and said, 'Have you not read that
He who created {them} from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE' ...” That's a quote from Genesis 1:26-28. Scholars today say that Genesis
chapter one is one creation story and Genesis chapter two is another creation
story, but Jesus quotes Genesis chapter one on Matthew 19:4 and He quotes from
Genesis chapter two in Matthew 19:5 showing that they have equal authority in
His eyes. So He doesn't see these as conflicting stories, or that there is any
contradiction between the two.
What this is emphasizing is that there is a foundation
of a covenant. The question is: Is the marriage covenant permanent and
indissoluble or can it be broken?
Three lines of evidence for why it can be broken:
a. First of all, because Deuteronomy 24:1
assumes that it can be broken legitimately, and that the wife that is sent away
can remarry. So if it is permanent ontological indissoluble union, that even if
they get granted a divorce from a judge and they are still married in God's
eyes, then Deuteronomy 24 could not ever authorize a writ of divorce and
recognize its legitimacy. Deuteronomy 24:1 does recognize that legitimacy.
b. Another is in Jeremiah 3:8 in
conjunction with Hosea 2:9. God divorces Israel. But He reserves the right to
remarry Israel with the New covenant.
c. John 4:16, where Jesus is talking with
the woman at the well. In that conversation, as He is sitting there, Jesus
says: “Go call your husband and come here.”
The woman says, “I have (present tense) no
husband.”
And Jesus said: “You have well said (you
are speaking the truth) you do not have a husband. You have had five husbands
(past tense).”
If those husbands were still married in
God's sight, then Jesus would have said, “You still have five husbands.” The
fact that He said “you have had five husbands: recognizes that those marriages
ended. He doesn't recognize that they have continued.
“The one that you now have” – not only
have you had five husbands, but you're shacked up with the one you've got right
now, and you're not legally married. So that recognizes that there is under
certain circumstances a legitimate basis to break that covenant.
Marriage is a covenant before God. Malachi 2:14 NASB
“Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom
you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by
covenant'.” This is related to condemnation of Israel related to their
divorces. This is a covenant, which is a little bit more serious than just a
contract.
This is what happens in Genesis 2:23, 24 NASB
“The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall
be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.' For this reason a man shall
leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall
become one flesh.” Notice the quote ends at verse 23. Who is speaking in 2:24?
Moses is speaking. He is making an application to the Jews that are before him
on the plains of Moab. The word there, azav, meaning to leave is used again and again
in covenant passages. It is used to describe the impermanence of something,
that somebody can leave and shift their loyalty. That is the basic
nuance—shifting loyalty.
In Deuteronomy 31:16 Moses said: “Behold, you are
about to lie down with your fathers; and this people will arise and play the
harlot with the strange gods of the land, into the midst of which they are
going, and will forsake [leave] Me and break My covenant which I have made with
them.” This is showing their shift of loyalty. That is what happens in a
marriage. Even when a couple lives at home—which is what happened in the Middle
East—they were to leave. It is a mental attitude, not necessarily a physical
reality. They are to shift their loyalty from their parents to one another.
Boaz said to Ruth: “you have left your father and your
mother and the land of your birth, and have come to a people whom you did not
know before.”
Matthew 19:5 NASB “and said, ‘FOR
THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED [meaning to
cling] TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’?
The point is this. When two people stand together
before God and make their vows they are entering into a distinct covenant
witnessed by God. They are saying: “God is my witness, I will fulfil this vow”.
In our culture we have really perverted the
application of this next commandment. Exodus 20:7 NASB “You shall
not take the name of the LORD your God in
vain, for the LORD will not leave him
unpunished who takes His name in vain.” Most people think that means I am not
going to use “Jesus” as a curse word; I am not going to put God in front of
damn. That is such a minimalized application of this, and by minimalizing it
the real weight of this commandment gets lost. When you stand in court and swear
on the Bible and say, “So help me God”, you are making the same kind of
statement. And if you are not taking that seriously and you are calling upon
God as a witness of your oath, and you don't mean it; that is taking the name
of the Lord in vain. That is its primary meaning. And so when we reduce it to
these other trivial circumstances we forget that it means that when we make an
oath before God, if we break it that is taking the Lord's name in vain.
Ephesians 5:28, “So husbands ought to love their own
wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. [29] For no one
ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does
the church. [30] For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
[31] For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to
his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. [32] “This is a great mystery,
but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”
Our loyalty is to one another and God is our witness
that this is what is going to happen. Marriage is a covenant before God that
ought to be preserved at whatever cost. That is the point Jesus is making. He
allows for exceptions but there is a difference between saying: What are the
exceptions? and making that the focus, and being reminded that this is where
your priority needs to be. It is making it permanent. The priority is not
making sure there are loopholes; it is a different focus.
The other way that Jesus is disagreeing with the
school of Shammai is, Shammai said you had to get divorced if there was
adultery, sexual immorality. Jesus is saying you can, but that is not the
standard. The standard is forgiveness—seventy times seven.