How Many Times Must I Forgive? Matthew 18:21-22

It is always important to understand context. This is a passage where we can't go to different sections and just pull them out and study them apart from the rest of the context. As we come to the last part of the chapter, vv. 21-25, we see that it is an outgrowth of everything that has been said since the opening question back in verse one. And if we don't understand the flow, the trajectory of what the Lord is teaching here it is easy to perhaps miss part of what He is saying because unfortunately over two thousand years a lot of confusion has muddied the waters over different phrases and terms that are used in this passage.

The focus of this last section is on the question that Peter asked: “How many times do I really have to forgive that so and so?” That's my paraphrase. We get tired sometimes of forgiving people when they have harmed us, betrayed us or hurt us to such a degree that the last thing in the world we want to do is to forgive them. That really gets to the heart of this question that Peter is asking but it is related to the first question that comes up in verse one.

In verse one the disciples are discussing among themselves about who is the greatest, because in the previous chapters three of the disciples were taken up on to the mount of transfiguration, Elijah and Moses appeared to them, and Jesus was transfigured and His glory was witnessed by these three disciples. When they came down from the mountain there was a dispute going on between the Pharisees and the disciples over casting a demon out of a young boy. The disciples couldn't do it and Jesus points out that they didn't have the faith. They had fallen back on technique instead of trusting God. As a result of these prior instances the question came up among them: who is really going to be the greatest in the kingdom? Everything else in this chapter flows from Jesus' answer at this particular time.

What we see in His answer is the need to be humble like a little child. He is really rebuking them for asking the question or even thinking the question. The focus isn't on who is greatest, it is how can they serve the Lord and serve the body of Christ in their future ministry.

This emphasis isn't on seeking status; it is really on learning humility. Humility is related to the broad category of grace; what we refer to as grace orientation. We orient our thinking to understanding the grace of God. Understanding the grace of God means that we have to begin to understand the nature of God's love toward us as it is demonstrated at the cross. He demonstrated His love by sending the second person of the Trinity to die in our place, and that He who knew no sin was made sin for us. In doing that He wiped out the debt that was against us. He took on His own perfect nature the imputation of our sin penalty.

We see that this is connected to humility, to love, and to forgiveness. And these three concepts are all brought out in different ways in the different discussions and conversations that go on in this chapter. So if we want to have one term, one category of doctrine that sort of covers everything in this chapter it would be grace orientation: what it really means to be humble and what it really means to love one another in terms of forgiveness.

At the end of John chapter thirteen when Jesus was with His disciples in the upper room He gave them a new commandment. Remember the setting in the upper room. This is the night that Jesus is to be arrested. They celebrated the Passover, but at the beginning of the meal Jesus did something unique. He took off His robes, girded Himself with a towel and began to wash the disciples' feet. There are a lot of things that people say about illustration but the focal point in the text is that Jesus is teaching them about cleansing from sin, and cleansing from sin is related to forgiveness.

As He finished the process of washing the disciples' feet Jesus said: “If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet ...” Washing the feet is not a demonstration of being a servant (a lot of people stop there), washing the feet is a picture of spiritual cleansing. So the metaphor here is forgiving them. He is cleansing them from sin. “... you also ought to wash one another’s feet.” That is the application: forgive one another.

Forgiving one another is one of the highest forms of expression of love that is in the Christian life. Think about what Paul says in Galatians 5:16: “Walk by the Spirit”. But a few verses later when he tells us what the fruit of the Spirit is he says the fruit of the Spirit is, first of all, love. That is the first thing he mentions. So love is critical in terms of our demonstration of our position in Christ, it is that which is uniquely the mark of being a disciple of Christ.

As we look at the framework of Scripture here we see that John chapter thirteen connect forgiveness to loving one another, and that is connected to being humble, to recognize that we really don't have any status; we are just here to serve the Lord in whatever capacity and whatever way that we have that opportunity.

As we look at the context in Matthew eighteen Jesus took this child and said you have to become like this little child. Matt 18:3 and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.” What is that kingdom? Are we in the kingdom today? No. This is a geographical, political kingdom that is now yet future where Jesus will return to the earth and establish His kingdom. It is the same kingdom that was proclaimed and prophesied in the Old Testament. It is the kingdom that John the Baptist announced: “The kingdom of heaven is at hand”. It is the kingdom that Jesus announced and His disciples announced, and it is the kingdom offered and withdrawn when the religious leaders accused Jesus of performing His miracles in the power of Satan. So this kingdom is postponed.

Now Jesus says something different, but this doesn't say anything about the kingdom being present right now. He is talking to His disciples who are already regenerate, so when he says unless you be converted and become as little children He is not talking about what we usually refer to as “getting saved”. He is talking to them as those who already have eternal life and saying that if you want to enter into the fullness of the blessing of the kingdom you need to quit being arrogant and self-absorbed and to humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, and you need to reflect that humility, love and forgiveness in your life.

This is exemplified as being like the little child. He uses the little child now as a metaphor for the humble childlike disciple who is going to grow and mature.

Then He gives a warning. Matthew 18:6 ^NASB “but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.” In other words, there is the warning of judgment if we cause a growing disciple to be derailed in his spiritual growth.

That was followed by a parable where He talked about forgiveness and God's desire to restore the one who has been thus derailed. He is the one sheep out of a hundred who is off in the mountains somewhere. The owner of the flock is going to put it in the care of somebody else and go seek the lost sheep out.

Then we see the picture of God's joy at our recovery. That is critical for understanding what happens in the last part of the chapter in terms of forgiveness.

We looked at the verses that are often referred to as church discipline in vv. 15-20. This doesn't refer to just any sin, this is a sin that has the potential of causing you to be derailed, and in the context of a congregation or assembly it could be someone who may be in a position to have a negative influence on others in the congregation. It could be someone who maybe is in a position to have a negative influence on others in the congregation, so since they are trying to influence you into believing something erroneous, derailing you spiritually, then you need to go and have a heart-to-heart with that person, one on one; that begins the procedure.

Matthew 18:18 ^NASB “Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven ...” What this is saying is, your responsibility as leaders is that you are to implement what has already been established to be the truth. Your job as leaders in the church is to implement God's absolutes, God's standard.

Matthew 18:19 ^NASB “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven.” The context is, these are the two or three witnesses. It isn't just any time two or three Christians get together it is a magic formula and God is going to pay more attention to your prayer. It is talking about the prayer related to bringing discipline upon this particular individual.

Matthew 18:20 ^NASB “For where two or three have gathered together [in judgment/discipline] in My name, I am there in their midst.”

Now Peter comes along and is going to ask a question. The connective word “then” indicates that this is the next thing that happens following Jesus' teaching on how you handle this brother who doesn't respond. But Peter is going to ask about the brother who does respond?

Matthew 18:21 ^NASB “Then Peter came and said to Him, 'Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?' [22] Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven'.”

Peter's question builds off of the previous statement by the Lord about “if someone sins against you”. Peter's question: How often do I forgive the person who was trying to derail me spiritually? As we have seen earlier this is a more serious type of sin, it isn't just somebody who has told a little white lie or somebody who has maybe gossiped about somebody else; it is more than likely someone who is causing problems in the spiritual growth of you personally, or maybe some other people.

Peter brings in this question to get the other side of it. If this person does respond and correct the sin then how many times should the process go on? We have all met some people, some of whom are our children in the process of growing up, and they just make the same mistakes, commit the same sins. If they are your children, think about how easily you forgive them because they are growing and they are learning and you move on. That really helps us understand how we should apply this to other spiritual children who are growing and yet just seem to have the same problems and commit the same types of sins.

At other times we know that this is a more serious situation. Sometimes they are just trivial types of sins that are not quite as significant. At other times we all know families who have had to deal with this where when their children grew to adolescence they developed problems—alcohol addiction, drug addiction—where the parents came to a point where though they forgave them said there were consequences: You can no longer be a burden to us financially, you can no longer live under our roof, you can no longer create the level of trauma in our life that you have been creating because of your refusal to deal with the situation.

This is a hard question a lot of people ask: If I am in a marriage and the husband is abusive or the wife is abusive, or they are terribly irresponsible or something, how long do I just keep doing this where they become basically destructive of my life? We always have to bring in a caveat here that there is a difference between forgiveness and consequences. Even though God forgave David for his sin of adultery with Bathsheba and his conspiring to have her husband Uriah murdered there were still consequences in terms of divine discipline for those decisions on David's part.

Forgiveness doesn't mean we are absolving the person from consequences, but it does mean that we are eradicating that sin in terms of how we are dealing with it. We are not going to engage in mental attitude sins towards that person or hold the action against the person in terms of that relationship. But we may need at times to implement serious consequences.

Peter is asking here how many times we should forgive. Forgiveness is a major theme through Scripture. We see forgiveness in relationship to God's grace in us in salvation, but also forgiveness towards other because of the way they have treated us.

When Joseph's brothers went down to Egypt and finally realised who Joseph was they were scared to death because they thought that he would enact some form of revenge against them.

Genesis 50:18-21 ^NASB “Then his brothers also came and fell down before him and said, 'Behold, we are your servants'. But Joseph said to them, 'Do not be afraid, for am I in God’s place? As for you, you meant evil against me, {but} God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive. So therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.' So he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.” That is grace orientation; that is forgiveness in action.

We also think in the New Testament of Stephen. Because of his sermon accusing and condemning the religious leaders for having crucified the Lord they immediately began to stone him, and his last words before he went to be with the Lord were: “Lord, do not hold this sin against them”. Acts 7:60. He was emulating the Lord Jesus Christ on the cross: “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing”.

Forgiveness is not easy. In fact, this kind of forgiveness is impossible. It can only come as a result of our walk by the Spirit.

Peter asks this question and he thinks he is being gracious here. He says, “Seven times?” In Jewish culture at this time, according to the rabbis, you forgave somebody three times and the fourth time, that's it, they are out of here. Peter was showing that he understood a little bit about grace orientation, perhaps thinking of a passage like Proverbs 24:16 ^NASB “For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again, But the wicked stumble in {time of} calamity.” Or, the Lord's teaching in Luke 17:3, 4 ^NASB “Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.” Maybe that is what Peter is thinking about.

But even when the Lord said that the next verse is the one that is significant because the apostles respond and you can tell they were thinking that this is really impossible, and they said: “Increase our faith!” It is not hard to forgive people; it is impossible sometimes. We can only do it through God the Holy Spirit.

Jesus' response to Peter: Matthew 18:22 ^NASB “Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven'.” In His answer Jesus is teaching about the extent, the unlimited nature of God's grace. He is not saying we need to count up to 490 times. He is again using hyperbole and saying that our forgiveness of others is to be like God's forgiveness of us. It is unlimited; it is without boundaries.

Jesus is going to show that we must emulate God's grace toward us. God's forgiveness towards us is unlimited; it is without measure. Jesus isn't setting a daily limit; He is saying there is no limit at all. Our gracious forgiveness, just like God's, is not to be surpassed by the offender's sin. We can't let someone else's sin become greater than our grace orientation.

The connection here is that forgiveness—the word here, APHIEMI, means to cancel a debt—in Ephesians 4:31 ^NASB “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” In other words, you have to confess sin and get rid of those sins. They can't exist with forgiveness. [32] “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” The Greek word there is CHARIZOMAI from the root word meaning grace, and it means that we are to be gracious towards one another. The way we extend grace orientation to others is to forgive them on the pattern of God's forgiveness for you in Christ.

The word “forgiveness” means to release someone, for example to free a slave, to liberate somebody or to forgive them; the act of freeing or liberating or releasing someone from captivity or the act of freeing from an obligation, from guilt or from punishment. It means to pardon or to cancel something completely.

In the past I have taught that there are four categories for forgiveness.

1. The first is what I call forensic forgiveness and this refers to the fact that God's justice was satisfied on the cross, and as Colossians 2:12-14 points out, at the cross our certificate of debt was cancelled. That applies to all mankind.

2. The second is positional forgiveness when we trust in Christ as savior. We are entered into Christ and we are positionally forgiven and cleansed of all sin so that we can be justified and have eternal life.

3. The third category is the ongoing forgiveness of our sins when we confess our sins, according to 1 John 1:9. We call this experiential forgiveness.

4. The fourth is the forgiving of one another as a reflection of God's grace toward us. This is relational forgiveness.

Jesus gives us an example. He starts off, typical of rabbinical parables of the time, talking about a king and his servants in order to illustrate a point. He says the kingdom of heave in “like” something. Matthew 18:23 ^NASB “For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves.” He is not saying they are in the kingdom. The kingdom has been postponed but eventually we are all going to be in the kingdom and if we are going to enter the fullness of the kingdom then part of the training is to forgive one another here and now.

To understand Jesus point here is to understand that if we want to be a genuine disciple and rule and reign with Christ in the kingdom and in the fullness of the kingdom, then we have to learn how to forgive one another as God for Christ's sake forgave us.

In this parable the king is God, the subjects are believers, and the contrast is between those who have learned humility and those who haven't. It is not a contrast between unbeliever and believer. People will go to this passage because of the harshness of the judgment at the end (which they put too much weight on) and make this believer verses unbeliever. But it is talking about the disciples who will enter into the kingdom with fullness because they have had childlike humility and those that haven't. It is not a contrast between believer and unbeliever but a spiritual believer who has grown to maturity and one that hasn't.

Matthew 18:24 ^NASB “When he had begun to settle {them,} one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.” That is a lot of money. Basically Jesus is saying he has an unpayable debt. He would never be able to pay this debt off. [25] “But since he did not have {the means} to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made.” So the king is saying, well I may not get much but I'm going to get something. [26] “So the slave fell {to the ground} and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’”

To give an idea of how much ten thousand talents was, some people say it was equivalent to about sixteen years of wages. It was actually more than the total revenue that Rome collected from Judea, Samaria, Galilee and Idumea. In a year they would collect about 900 talents, so this debt was equivalent to eleven years of taxes from this whole area of the Middle East for Rome. Another comparison in the Old Testament is that the amount of gold given for the temple was just over 8000 talents (1 Chronicles 29:4-7). The amount of gold that came to Solomon in one year was 666 talents of gold. So 10,000 talents is an enormous amount of money. In fact, the largest number you had when counting in Greek was the word that is translated “ten thousand”, and it is the word MURIOI, which we translate into English as “myriad”. It is not necessarily a technical number of ten thousand; it could mean just an astronomical number.

That is the point here. This slave who is just like you and I in our sin has a debt that he cannot pay. He has a debt that is greater than his capacity to ever pay throughout all of eternity. So when Jesus says this He is saying that the slave had an overwhelming debt he could never pay. But what happens is the master of that servant was moved with compassion, a word that was used of Jesus several times throughout Matthew to indicate His grace towards human beings.

Matthew 18:27 ^NASB “And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt.”

He “released” him. That is the word APOLUO, a word that means to release from an obligation. “... and forgave” is the word APHESIS, which means to release or the act of freeing or cancelling a debt. It is an economic term. So we talked about the fact that when Jesus paid our sin penalty at the cross, redemption, He cancelled this debt. It is an unpayable debt.

Now we get to the hard part of the parable. The servant doesn't have grace orientation. He doesn't grasp the impact of what has happened. He has been forgiven this debt which he could never pay but then goes out and one of his fellow servants who owes him 100 denarii (one denarius was about a day's wage). Does he forgive him? No.

Matt 18:28-30 ^NASB “But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and {began} to choke {him,} saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ So his fellow slave fell {to the ground} and {began} to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed.”

The one who had originally been forgiven throws him into prison because he can't pay the debt. He has forgotten how much was forgiven him and so he won't forgive others. For that God is going to announce a temporal judgment.

Matthew18:31 ^NASB “So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened.

Matt 18:32-34 “Then summoning him, his lord said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. ‘Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him.”

That doesn't mean that he is sent to eternal punishment. One of the things we have to learn about interpreting parables is that not every element of the parable is something that you push to its fullest extent. It is a story, and the point of this story is that this servant is his servant; he is not the servant of someone else. He is a believer but he is going to go through divine discipline because of his failure to exercise grace orientation and forgiveness towards another. That is the point of the parable.

Matthew 18:35 ^NASB “My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.” Who is he talking to? He is talking to the disciples.

So the point of this is that we have to truly forgive others. That doesn't necessarily mean that we are going to let them take advantage of us, continue to abuse us, or continue to maltreat us. But forgiveness is a matter of what is going on in our soul, our mind, as we think about that other person. It is to wipe the slate clean and put them in the hands of God, and let God deal with them. As Abraham observed in Genesis chapter eighteen, “Shall not the judge of all the earth do what is right?”

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