Husbands
1 Peter 3:7
We
are continuing our study in 1 Peter 3, and tonight we are going to look at
verse six. The first five verses of 1 Peter 3 deal with the wives and their
relationship to husbands, and now in one verse Peter is going to talk about the
husbandÕs responsibility. Paul has a lot more to say about the husbands, and
one of the fascinating things—about both passages—is the
correlation that both writers bring out between marriage and the analogy to Jesus
Christ in His relationship to the church. Tonight we are going to look at verse
six, and we are going to look at husbands.
To
remind you a little bit about the context, we have to go back to 1 Peter 2:17.
In verse 17 we have this verse.
ÒHonor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor
the king.Ó
Those four words that I have underlined there, in the original, are all in the
imperative mood—those are all commands. ItÕs really interesting the way
Peter has this laid out, because what we see following this in main
statements—related to servants, related to wives, related to
husbands—are translated as commands, but they are actually not commands.
The
question that should come in any of our minds, whenever we read a command in
Scripture, is the question, ÒHow do I do that? How do I go about transforming
my mind? How do I go about changing my behavior? How do I go about living the
Christian life?Ó So the question is, ÒHow do we implement these four commands?Ó
ÒHow,
exactly, are we to honor all people? How, exactly, are we to love the
brotherhood? How, exactly, are we to fear God? And how, exactly, are we to
honor the king?Ó Notice in this opening command, which comes at the end of the
paragraph back in 1 Peter 2:17, we have the word ÒhonorÓ used twice. In the
Greek, itÕs the word TIME, which means
to respect, to honor, to give obedience to somebody, to recognize their
authority. In the case of the king, to recognize his authority. And Òhonoring
all peopleÓ is just showing respect and reverence.
I
got a real kick this morning out of a Facebook comment on one of my posts that
I made a while back, and it was a political comment. Some of you probably saw
it or may know the person who made it. IÕm not going to mention any names,
because what she wrote clearly reflects an attitude that many Christians have.
She said, in relation to dealing with those who are in strong political
disagreement with her, that sometimes itÕs very difficult to remember that
because they are also created in the image and likeness of God, we need to
treat them with respect, no matter how idiotic and stupid their political
positions are. And thatÕs true.
In
any area of disagreement, we have to remember that the person with whom we are
having the disagreement is a person who is created in the image and likeness of
God, and we have no idea that down the road we might have an opportunity to be
a witness to them. The fact that we donÕt treat them with respect—as someone
created in the image of likeness of God—may seriously hinder our ability
in the future to be an effective witness to them. ThatÕs about as convicting as
we are going to get today.
We
have to come to grips with understanding what it means to ÒHonor all people.Ó A subset of that would
be, of course, honoring the king.
In
the structure that is laid out in the following verses, we have three basic
commands that are translated as commands; but in the Greek, theyÕre not
imperatives, they are participles. A participle can be used as a noun, or it
can be used to modify a verb. The verbs, in this case, are those imperatives
back in verse 17, and the participles are answering the question, ÒHow do I
honor all people? How do I love the brotherhood?Ó
Peter
is taking it and applying it into the framework of the home—the most
basic unit in society. Marriage and family are the second and third divine
institutions. How do we take these broad principles and apply them right where
we live—day in and day out—especially in circumstances that may not
be pleasant, such as when a servant is having to deal with a master who is
harsh and unjust, or a wife is in the situation where the husband is an
unbeliever—and he may be harsh and unjust? Or, the husband may be married to a
wife who is not a believer, and she may even not be in full accord with his
Christianity. So how do you implement this at that time?
In
each of these areas within the home, Peter provides direction. How do we honor
all people? Love the brotherhood? And honor the king? First of all, he says,
ÒServants,Ó and youÕll see the way that IÕve translated this participle is as a
participle of means—that the servant is to implement these imperatives by
being submissive to their masters. ThatÕs the sense of this participle; it
would be called a participle of means, grammatically.
Then,
in 1 Peter 3:1, ÒWives, likewise,Ó itÕs the same form of the word. ItÕs a
participle; itÕs not a direct imperative—though it has that sense,
because itÕs modifying a main idea back in 1 Peter 2:18 where it says, ÒServants, by
being submissive to your masters.Ó
1
Peter 3:1, ÒWives,
likewise by being submissive your own husbands,Ó and then in 1 Peter 3:8, ÒHusbands,
likewise by dwelling with them with understanding.Ó The ÒlikewiseÓ there
has to do with that participial nuance of means, because the husband isnÕt
submitting—like the wife or the servant. Then Òlikewise,Ó that word that
is being used there, is showing that these three things are all tied together
as answering those commands in verse 17 of how you do that.
1
Peter 3:7, where we are tonight. ÒHusbands, likewise, by dwelling with them with
understanding.Ó ThatÕs how a husband is to honor and show respect to his
wife. He is not to lord his authority over his wife. Jesus teaches about how we
are not to exercise our authority as believers like the Gentiles do, by lording
it over others, by taking advantage of it and not living with someone in grace.
The
verse reads, ÒHusbands,
likewise, by dwelling with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife,
as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that
your prayers may not be hindered.Ó So the passage is now addressed to
husbands. The word that is used here in the Greek simply is the same word that
is used for ÒhusbandsÓ in other contexts. It can refer just to males, but in
contexts where youÕre dealing with the home, home life, and youÕre dealing
obviously with husbands and wives, it has the sense of Òhusbands.Ó
It
shows that Peter is addressing husbands as a class, and heÕs not making a distinction
between those who are married to unbelievers and those who are married to
believers. As I pointed out last time, when we were looking at wives, one of
the issues in the home in the Greco-Roman culture was that, if the husband had
a religion, then it was expected that the wife would have the same religion;
the children would have the same religion; everybody would be on board
together.
This
would be a situation, perhaps, where a husband was a believer and it doesnÕt
necessarily mean that his wife was a believer. It could be a situation where
the believing husband is married to an unbelieving wife, or it could be that
heÕs married to a carnal believer or to a believer that is growing. But the
wifeÕs spiritual status is not the basis for the husbandÕs responsibility to
demonstrate love toward his wife.
If
we are going to compare Scripture with Scripture, we always have to be somewhat
careful about comparing Scripture with Scripture. In 1 Corinthians Paul talked
about Òbeating
his body into submission,Ó and then in Ephesians 5, he talked about loving
your wife Òlike
you love your own bodyÓ; you can put that together and come up with the
wrong conclusion. So you have to be careful where itÕs legitimate—and not
legitimate—to put Scripture together.
What
we see here, in 1 Peter 3:7, is that Peter is giving an example of how the
husband is to love his wife. Now, he doesnÕt use the term, but he uses a
description here of how the husband lives with his wife, and he is depicting
what that love is.
Paul
is more precise when he addresses the role of the husband in Ephesians 5:25. I
want to turn there. You might want to keep your place here in 1 Peter 3; we
will come back to it.
Ephesians
5 is a critical passage. This is really the foundation for understanding roles
within the household, and that includes servants, it includes children, it
includes the roles and responsibilities of the parents. Children donÕt get
addressed until you get down to verse one. IÕm not going to do a verse by verse
as we go through this; IÕm just going to hit some of the high points so that
you understand what is going on here.
First
of all, the command is addressed specifically to husbands, and they are
commanded to love their wife. ThatÕs AGAPAO, the verb on the left on the slide. Notice that
in both places, Òlove
your wivesÓ and Òas Christ loved the church,Ó we have the same verb, the Greek verb AGAPAO.
There
are three different verbs that are used primarily for ÒloveÓ in the New
Testament: there is AGAPAO; there is PHILEO; and there is one use
of the compound word STORGE, which is
related to a motherÕs love. STORGE is related
to where we get our word for stork and how a store hovers over the young in the
nest.
One
of the first things we noticed, when we went to Greece a number of years ago,
is that on the top of almost every telephone pole was an enormous storkÕs nest.
So anybody who talked about storks in relation to a motherÕs love, you
understand why that verb entered into the Greek language; they were present
everywhere, Everybody understood that.
AGAPAO and PHILEO are two different words
that are sometimes misunderstood. The command here is a present imperative. A
present imperative always emphasizes the standard operating procedure. An
aorist imperative is a past tense, but it doesnÕt have a past meaning in an
imperative mood; it emphasizes something, itÕs more of a staccato, itÕs more of
a Òright nowÓ priority. Whereas, a present imperative is over time, and itÕs a
standard operating procedure.
Husbands
are to love their wives. This is what is to characterize a husband, not just
during the first year, the first six months, the beginning of the marriage, but
over the course of the 50, 60,or 75 years that a couple may be together.
We
ask the question, ÒHow are we to love our wives?Ó Paul gives us an example, and
itÕs not an easy example to follow; itÕs the example of Christ loving the
church. ThatÕs the standard. The same verb is used for loving one another. So,
when Jesus concludes His time with His disciples in the upper room, before they
head out towards the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus said, ÒA new commandment I give to you, that you
love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this
all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.Ó
So the mark of the believer is to love one another.
In
one sense, the husband isnÕt being told to do something that we are not all told to
do. But it is being specifically hammered by Paul, because something that men
can forget, easily, is that they are to love their wife; and the pattern is Òas Christ loved
the church.Ó
The
command there is to love your wife. I want to give you a couple of points.
Talking about the different kinds of love in the New Testament, specifically
between AGAPE
love—the noun form of AGAPAO is AGAPE; and PHILOS love, which is the noun
form of PHILEO love. First
of all, AGAPE love
incorporates both categories that we normally discuss; we normally talk about
unconditional love, or impersonal love; and then we talk about personal love.
But AGAPAO is
manifested in both areas; it is a broad term for love.
If
youÕre going to draw a Venn diagram, then thatÕs the broad circle, and PHILOS is a subset; it would
be a smaller circle within the overall circle of AGAPE love. PHILOS love has
characteristics of being a more personal, intimate love.
unbeliever
alike—those who are positive to God, those who are hostile to God.
Then
we have passages like Romans 5:8, ÒBut God demonstrates His own love toward us.Ó That
love represents divine love. When you get over into that much-abused passage in
Revelation 3:20, ÒBehold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and
opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.Ó A
lot of people use that for evangelism; but there is one little exegetical
problem. In the previous verse, the Lord is addressing that church, and He says
that He loves them—and itÕs PHILOS. He uses the verb PHILEO.
He
loves them. Well, PHILEO is only used
of GodÕs love for believers. God does not have PHILOS love for unbelievers.
He does not have an intimate love with unbelievers—only with believers.
So the difference between AGAPE and PHILOS is level of intimacy. AGAPE is used of GodÕs love
towards all—believer and unbeliever alike.
The
pattern that is given for the husbandÕs love for the wife is ChristÕs love for
the church and it is exhibited by His death on the cross.
ÒChrist also loved
the church and gave Himself for her.Ó There is an act of giving, but it is
an act of sacrifice. The first thing we ought to note about this is that this
death occurred. The death of Christ occurred while those who were to be saved
and who were yet to be in the church were not yet saved and were, for the most
part, viewed as in open rebellion against God. ThatÕs Romans 5:8, ÒBut God
demonstrates His love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ
died for us.Ó Secondly, when the text says, Ògiving Himself up for her,Ó that
indicates a sacrificial love.
Jesus,
in His humanity, the night before He went to the Cross, prayed to the Father to
Òlet this cup
pass from Him,Ó let this death pass from Him. In His humanity, He did not
want to go through that. He wasnÕt sinning; HeÕs expressing the horrors of the
cross, and He concluded His prayer by saying, ÒNevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.Ó
He does not go against the FatherÕs will—even in His thinking. He is
expressing, though, the horrors of going to the cross.
Sacrifice
is a misunderstood term by some people. Sacrifice may or may not be something
you feel. A mother who throws herself in a position of danger to save a child
doesnÕt give it any thought. It is an act of sacrifice, but itÕs not an act
where she thinks, ÒOh, IÕm going to give up everything.Ó She is doing it
willingly for her children.
A
sacrificial love is not necessarily a love that focuses on somebody giving
something up—but that indeed is what theyÕre doing. The Son gave up His
prerogatives as God to limit Himself by taking on humanity, to go to the Cross
and die for our sins. He never had this sense of, ÒI gave everything up so that
I could come and die for everybody.Ó ThatÕs a human attitude that comes out of
sin, but the objective truth of it is that the Son relinquished position and
willingly gave up the use of His attributes as we studied in Philippians
2:5–12 not long ago.
ThatÕs
the essence of sacrifice. You donÕt even think about it; youÕre just putting
the other person first because you want whatÕs best for them. ThatÕs what love
is! We are not only to exercise love toward our wives, men, but we are to
exercise that kind of love toward everyone.
God,
of course, wants the highest and the best for us. ThatÕs the best definition
IÕve been able come across for love—to want the highest and best for
people. And our best interest, as far as God is concerned, never clashes with
GodÕs own desires; because He is love, so thereÕs never a self-centered aspect of His nature.
What
we see is that husbands need to meditate on the love that Christ had for the
church—to die for the church—in order that they can come to understand
more and more how they are to love their wife. That is something you can spend
time thinking about and its implications for loving your wife.
This
is further developed in Ephesians 5:28–29. See, between Ephesians
5:23–28, Paul actually has a bit of a digression as he talks about Christ
being the Head of the church. He says in verse 23, ÒFor the husband is head of the wife.Ó
That is a term for being in authority. ÒFor the husband is the authority over the wife, as
also Christ is the authority over the church.Ó Husbands are under an
authority; they are under the authority of Christ and under the authority of
the Word of God.
Christ
is the Savior of the body. Verse 24, ÒTherefore, just as the church is subject to Christ.Ó
If youÕre a believer, youÕre under a command to submit to Christ, submit to the Word. ÒJust as the
church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in
everything.Ó
He
connects that back to wives. Husbands and wives are to mirror the relationship between the
church and Christ. Now thatÕs really interesting, because what the text
indicates there is that the marriage of two Christians is to be an example in
this world of the Òsomething unseen,Ó which is the relationship between the
church and Christ.
Part
of the problem today is that most people donÕt understand the nature of the
church. They donÕt understand the relationship of the church to Christ, so they
donÕt understand how their marriage is to be a mirror of that. Everything breaks down.
Because we live in a culture thatÕs become so narcissistic—which is not
unique to this generation by the way, since thatÕs the basic orientation of the
sin nature. But when there is this self-centeredness and narcissism that is
present, then the husband and wife cannot understand—because they are so
self-absorbed—how their marriage is to reflect the relationship of Christ
to the church and how that is to be a testimony to the angels as well as to
other human beings.
Everything
thatÕs going on in our lives is somehow tied back to the angelic conflict, and
itÕs tied back to our testimony. The big problem that we all have is that our
sin nature just keeps getting in the way.
Ephesians
5:25, ÒHusbands,
love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.Ó
From verse 26 on, there are three purpose clauses here.
So
Ephesians 5:26–27 focuses on what Christ has done for the church.
Then
when we get to Ephesians 5:28, Paul says, ÒSo husbands ought to love their own wives as their
own bodies.Ó There are a lot of things guys that we do. Just think about
eating. You eat what you want to eat. You come home; you throw open the
refrigerator door; you take stuff. You just eat it because itÕs good for you;
itÕs what you want; you are taking care of your body. But what this is saying
is, ÒThatÕs natural and normal, but you should think of your wife in that same
way. You are to take care of her like you take care of your own body—like you take care of
yourself.Ó She should be first.
ÒSo husbands ought
to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves
himself.Ó Now, thereÕs also a point in here that comes out in Ephesians
5:29. Notice that it begins with the word Òfor.Ó ÒForÓ always explains
something thatÕs previously stated; at least when the Greek word is GAR, it explains the
previous statement. Paul gives a universal, or gnomic, statement here, ÒFor no one ever
hated his own flesh.Ó That is such a great line.
No
one ever hated himself. It doesnÕt matter how many psychological degrees you
have and how much you talk about people with low self-esteem and low
self-image, the Bible says no one ever hated themselves!
People,
supposedly, get a low self-image and low self-esteem. If they really hated
themselves, theyÕd be glad they were ugly, or fat, or frumpy, or had no
intelligence, or no success; youÕd be glad you lost your job if you really
hated yourself. But the reason youÕre upset is because you love
yourself—you want whatÕs good for yourself and something is not the way youÕd like for it to
be.
So thatÕs
just a general principle: ÒNo one ever hated his own flesh.Ó That is your starting point in
dealing with anybody who is excessively depressed and discouraged and upset
about how they are a failure. YouÕre not a failure, inherently; youÕre just
upset because you really love yourself.
Now
that weÕve established the fact that self-love is dominant, letÕs develop from
there. ÒFor no
one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.Ó So the modus operandi,
the normal status quo for the male—and for the female—is to nourish
and cherish themselves. Well, what you have to do, men, is to transfer that to
your wife and nourish and cherish her.
Then
we have that comparison again, Òjust as the Lord does the church.Ó ThatÕs our
pattern. ThatÕs a high standard. The wives were to submit to their husbands as
to the Lord. We are to love our wives as Christ loved the church. Nobody gets
off scot-free here; both patterns are extremely difficult.
When
we look at both Ephesians 5:25 as well as Ephesians 5:28–-29, we must
understand that the way Scripture is talking here is a frontal assault on any
kind of self-serving love—any kind of me-first love, any kind of
self-absorbed love, any kind of love thatÕs mixed with arrogance. In fact, the
term Òself-serving loveÓ or Òself-absorbed loveÓ or Òa love thatÕs mixed with
arroganceÓ just destroys the whole meaning of love.
We
understand that, because we have a short passage in Scripture that gives us the
characteristics of love. This is not a definition in the strict sense of the
term. ÒLoveÓ is one of those terms that is very difficult to define. In fact,
the Scripture just gives us illustrations and descriptions of it and its
characteristics [1 Corinthians 13]. ÒLove is patient, love is kind.Ó Notice that
those are two positive attributes of love that come first in this list.
Then
we have various negatives. We define it by what it isnÕt. ÒAnd is not jealous; love does not brag.Ó
Bragging is a result of being self-absorbed and self-promoting. ÒLove does not brag
and is not arrogant.Ó Whenever youÕre arrogant, whenever youÕre
self-absorbed, thereÕs no place for love in your life.
Love
Òdoes not act
unbecomingly; it does not seek its own.Ó ItÕs not me-first. Love Òis not provoked.Ó
It is not going to let the other person push their buttons. How do you do that?
You have to be focused on the Lord.
Love
Òis not
provoked, it does not take into account a wrong suffered.Ó ItÕs not going
to keep a little grocery list of all the ways in which the other person didnÕt
live up to the way they thought they ought to perform. ItÕs never going to
throw that back at them.
1
Corinthians 13:6, Love Òdoes not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth.Ó
Because this kind of love is consistent with integrity, you can only get this
kind of integrity through a relationship with the Lord.
Then
it concludes. ÒBears
all thingsÓ; that is, it puts up with a lot of stuff. We all have to do
that, because we all put up with stuff that our spouse has as part of their sin
nature. ThatÕs why, when I do premarital counseling, I always say, ÒYou have to
really know the other person and understand their sin nature. Can you live with
it? If that other person goes carnal, can you put up with it? If they are
carnal for 5, 10, 15 years, can you put up with it? If you canÕt, then donÕt
marry them, because you canÕt put up with their sin nature.Ó
ÒBears all things,
believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.Ó I want to
backup just a minute and do a little comparison. What we see, as we talk about
this, is that one of the benefits of marriage that I have noticed—and God
probably designed it this way—is that when you put two sinners together
in a house, their sin natures are going to create a certain amount of friction.
If they are both positive and they are growing together in the Lord, God is
using each one in the otherÕs life to teach them humility, to teach them grace
orientation, to teach them how to apply doctrine.
In
other words, your spouse is being used by God to help you grow spiritually.
ThatÕs true in any marriage—it is a refining process to help those two
individuals grow and mature in the Lord. So thatÕs involved.
When
we look at this description of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4 and following, Paul
is talking about love. So the first noun is love. He says, ÒLove is patient.Ó
The Greek word there is MAKROTHUMIA. Where else
do you think we find love and patience linked together? Galatians 5:22, ÒBut the fruit of
the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience.Ó ThereÕs our word MAKROTHUMIA. MAKROTHUMIA is a fruit
of the Spirit; love is a fruit of the Spirit. This kind of love is developed
from your spiritual growth.
Patience—longsuffering—means
to suffer a long time. Five minutes in an hour in a week or two weeks is not a
long time. IÕve known some people who have had to suffer a long time; thatÕs
called patience, endurance.
ÒLove is patient,
love is kind.Ó ÒLove is kind.Ó This is the verb CHRÉSTEUOMAI here, but the noun
form, CHRÉSTOTÉS, is the word
that is translated ÒkindÓ in the fruit of the Spirit. ÒThe fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness.Ó These two words here are both part of the fruit of the
Spirit. So this characterizes love.
At that
point, Paul shifts gears; everything after that is negative. We know what love
is because it does
not have certain characteristics. Even though all of these are not
mentioned in the works of the flesh in Galatians 5:18–21, several of them
are. You have jealousy, envy, and arrogance; all those are part of the work of
the flesh, the sin nature.
What
we see in this picture is that the kind of love that Christ was talking about
that should be emulated in every believerÕs life, for everybody, and the kind of
love that especially should be there for the husband to the wife is a fruit of
the Spirit. It is not something that you can just manufacture out of your own
goodness and your own character; itÕs something that needs to be developed
through your spiritual life and your spiritual walk.
So
the underlying mandate here for the believer husband is that youÕd better be
walking by the Spirit, youÕd better be right with the Lord, and youÕd better be
putting into practice what the Scripture says in studying the Word, because
thatÕs the only way you can develop the kind of love that should characterize
your relationship with your wife. Another thing that is not stated here, but is
inferred, is that the husband whoÕs walking by the Spirit—if his wife is
positive—developing the fruit of the Spirit, then youÕre going to have a
happy, stable home.
IÕve
always said this: It takes two people to make a marriage work, but it only
takes one person to make it fall apart. If youÕre married to a spouse that is a
carnal believer, or an unbeliever, then that person can easily destroy the
marriage. But the responsibility of the believing husband is to continue to
love his wife as Christ loved the church. Christ loves each one of us in such a
way that no matter how flawed we are, no matter how much we sin and rebel
against God, His love is always steadfast and always faithful. So thatÕs the
pattern for us.
1
Peter 3:7 goes on to say, ÒHusbands, likewise, by dwelling with them with understanding.Ó Now,
we have to correct the translation here a little bit. The word for
ÒunderstandingÓ is the word GNOSIS; itÕs Òto
live according to knowledge.Ó ThereÕs a split opinion on this. There are many
who look at this and say, ÒWell, this means that the husband really needs to
understand his wife. He needs to know his wife. He needs to know a lot about
women. And he needs to live according to knowledge.Ó
I
would call that the psychobabble interpretation—that you need to
understand women. Throughout the epistles of the New Testament, when you have
GNOSIS emphasized, itÕs always knowledge of the Word; itÕs the knowledge of
Scripture. The believing husband who is loving his wife needs to dwell with her
on the basis of doctrine, on the basis of understanding what GodÕs Word says.
You
have to understand, husbands, the doctrine of the sin nature, because youÕve
got one and your wife has one. If you have children, they have sin natures,
too, and you have to understand what the Scripture says about them, and you
have to understand how to deal with them. You have to understand how you are to
lead in the home, as the husband, and how your wife is to carry out her
responsibilities within the home and all. But it all boils down to
understanding what the Word of God says.
Just
to remind you, you have to understand the problem-solving devices, these
spiritual skills. You have to understand confession of sin. I donÕt know how a
marriage can last the first year if you donÕt understand the doctrine of
forgiveness and move on. Personally, each one has to confess their own sin and
get right with the Lord, and then they have to be willing to forgive and forget
with the other person. We get that from understanding the doctrine of
confession of sin.
Then
we have to walk by the Spirit and be filled by the Spirit. ItÕs interesting. In
Ephesians 5:18 we have the command to be filled by the Spirit. This is followed
by a list of different things that are consequences of being filled with the
Spirit, such as, Ò19 Speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,
singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; 20 Giving thanks always
for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; 21
Submitting to one another in the fear of God.Ó
At
that point Paul took a break, and then he starts talking about what it means to
submit to one another in the fear of God. ItÕs wives being submissive to their
husbands, husbandÕs loving their wives, children being obedient to their
parents, fathers not exasperating their children, and slaves being obedient to
their masters. ThatÕs a result of the filling of the Spirit!
So
if youÕre going to go anywhere and have any fruit of the Spirit—love,
joy, peace, patience, kindness, the fruit of the Spirit that relates to
love—you have to be walking by the Spirit and being filled by the Spirit.
This exhibits itself through our use of the faith-rest drill. We have to learn
to trust God.
You
may not recognize this, but whether you are a wife or a husband, your spouse
has a sin nature. And there some times when it may take them a while to deal
with characteristics of their sin nature; so you have to trust God and put it
in the LordÕs hands. Peter will get back to this in 1 Peter 5 by saying, ÒCasting all your
care upon Him, for He cares for you.Ó
You
have to be grace oriented. You have to deal with your spouse in grace and in
humility; you have to be doctrinally oriented. You have to understand the
principles of the Word of God in relation to things I just mentioned, which has
to do with the doctrine of the sin nature, the doctrine of forgiveness, the
doctrine of love—all of those things.
You
have to live with a personal sense of destiny. Your marriage today is going to
last a while, and itÕs going to hone and sharpen both of you spiritually,
because thereÕs something coming, which is the Judgment Seat of Christ. ThatÕs
related to inheritance and rewards. Oh my, thatÕs actually mentioned in the
passage in 1 Peter 3:7, ÒHusbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to
the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of
life.Ó So we have to develop the long-term perspective here that we are
heirs of grace.
Then,
of course, whatÕs built on that is our personal love for God, our impersonal
and unconditional love for all mankind, and our occupation with Christ. The
result of that is that we can have joy, and peace, and stability in our own
souls. A lot of reasons that you have marital problems and marital breakup is
because of a sin nature that runs amok; and because of a failure to know any
spiritual principles, thereÕs no tranquility in individual souls, so there is
no tranquility in the marriage. It only takes one to mess it all up. One person
can be walking with the Lord, and if the other oneÕs not, then youÕve got a recipe
for disaster.
Husbands
are to dwell with their wives on the basis of knowledge—or with
knowledge—and then, Ògiving honor to the wife.Ó That is a word that indicates respect:
to value your wife; to esteem your wife; to do things to encourage her; to show
and reflect your appreciation for all that they do and their contributions to
the marriage; constantly seeking to edify your wife. ÒGiving honor to the wife.Ó
Then
we have this funny term, Òas to the weaker vessel.Ó When I was a young pastor—I was
interviewing at the first church where I eventually became the pastor—the
very first time I went down to this church and visited, the wife of one of the
deacons said, ÒYou know, I just have a problem with this. The Bible seems to be
really against women; it calls women Ôweaker vesselsÕ.Ó She had been influenced
by a lot of feminism.
We
have to understand what this is talking about. ItÕs not talking about womenÕs
strength of character or ability as being weaker; itÕs talking about the fact
that in many social situations they donÕt have the same position as men. Not
always—there are differences. But, physically, they are very different
from men, aside from the obvious differences that exist between the two sexes.
Of
course, we have some people in our culture who just refuse to believe that.
Yesterday, our president in a speech to the Armed Forces on the occasion of the
Armed Forces Full Honor Review Farewell Ceremony, as heÕs giving his last
speech, made the statement, ÒJoe Biden and I know that women are at least as
strong as men.Ó Hmm! He went on to talk about their inclusion in the military
and in combat arms. So heÕs not just talking about strength of character or
strength of will. HeÕs clearly, by context, talking about physical strength,
which shows that he is irrational and ignorant. Because we have a lot of
differences in terms of these differences.
Let
me just read a few of these things for you. First of all, itÕs so obvious that
there is a difference in male and female physical capacities and capabilities
that we donÕt even question the fact that men do not compete against women in
almost any athletic sport.
We
understand that there are profound differences. Let me list some of these. Men
are taller. That means they have greater leverage in many things involving
physical strength. Overall, they have a higher capacity for carrying oxygen
through their body and delivering it to their muscles. Men have longer bones
and can develop larger muscles than women. In fact, a study in the Journal of
Applied Physiology that came out recently found that men had an average of
26 pounds more skeletal muscle mass than women.
Women
also exhibited about 40% less upper body strength and 33% less lower body
strength on the average, according to the study. Now that doesnÕt mean that you
canÕt go out and find some woman, some specific specimen of femininity, that
can out lift, out run, and outperform, athletically, a specific male
individual. I see this all the time when I go to CrossFit. Some of those 25- to
35-year-old women are just amazing. I donÕt think I was ever that strong. But
you donÕt ever see this across the board, generally; otherwise, you would see
men and women competing against each other in Olympic sports and other sports.
That just isnÕt going to happen.
WomenÕs
ligaments are generally more fragile than the maleÕs ligaments. Because they
are shorter, they have a lower and more stable center of gravity, which gives
them greater balance than men. But men have a higher ratio of muscle mass to
body weight, which means they can run faster and they can swim faster and they
can carry heavier loads.
This
is important, because what we find in the military is this idea that women can
go through special forces training, or SEAL training, or Ranger training, and
actually in private e-mails that I have received from those who have been
involved with the Ranger training—we just had two women in the last
couple years who made it through Ranger school. They fudged on it, because the
politically correct thing was that these women had to get their Ranger tabs.
But
they couldnÕt do what men can do. The problem is that when you get in a
real-life combat situation where youÕve got some guy who can pick up his buddy
whoÕs been wounded, put them over his shoulder and carry a 250-pound guy off
the field, no 125-pound woman is ever going to be able to do that. They cannot
function in the same way as men. Men and women are not interchangeable! This is
the arrogance of much of our modern understanding of the roles of men and
women, and that leaks over and is somewhat destructive to understanding
marriage.
We
come, then, to the next to last phrase here, that husbands are to treat their
wives with honor as Òco-heirs together of the grace of life.Ó WeÕve talked a lot about
inheritance. In fact, this takes us back to the very opening chapter of 1
Peter, where Peter tells us that we are going to receive Òan inheritance incorruptible and undefiled
and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you.Ó So, we studied
inheritance.
WeÕve
talked about two kinds of inheritance: that kind of inheritance that is true
for every believer; and that which is true for only those who are growing,
maturing believers, called ÒovercomersÓ in Scripture. So we ask the question,
ÒWhat kind of heir do we have here?Ó
Is
this an heir of God, something that we all have in common, or is this referring
to the second category in Romans 8:17, the joint heir with Christ?
Romans
8:16–17 says that, ÒThe Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children
of God [thatÕs all believers—we are all children of God], and if children,
then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ.Ó
The
way that is normally punctuated, it looks as if you have two synonymous
categories: heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ. But what we see here is
this Òif clauseÓ provides a condition for inheritance. It says, Òif indeed we
suffer with Him.Ó If being an heir of God and a joint heir with Christ is
something that is true for every believer, then you canÕt really get to Heaven
unless you have faith in Christ and you suffer with Him; because thatÕs putting
suffering as part of that condition of being an heir of God.
IÕm going
to give you three principles. WeÕve covered the broader doctrine many times,
and weÕve covered this many times.
Colossians
3:24 says, ÒKnowing
that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance.Ó
Inheritance is a reward—it is not a free gift! It is done for service.
But
itÕs really clear in Romans 8:16–17. So the issue is, ÒHow do you
punctuate it?Ó ThatÕs very important, because there is no punctuation in the
original Greek. The em dash that we saw on slide 16 and the commas are all done
by English editors based on their theology.
Here
we have a basic sentence. IÕve used this many times. ÒA woman without her man
is nothing.Ó
A
woman will usually translate the first line with two commas: A woman, without her, man is
nothing,Ó emphasizing that man canÕt do anything unless he has a woman behind
him. But in the second line you have only one comma, ÒA woman without her man,
is nothing.Ó That is saying that a woman is nothing unless she has a man. These
are two different meanings, two opposing meanings, based on where you place the
commas.
When
we look at Romans 8:17, we have to take out this second comma. ÒIf children,
heirs also, heirs of GodÓ, and put it over here. ThatÕs one kind of
heirship—an heir of God—thatÕs true for every believer.
In
addition to being an heir of God, Òfellow heirs with Christ if we suffer with Him.Ó
Suffering with Christ is a result of growing and maturing and taking on the
challenge of being a disciple. We are going to suffer—in lots of
different ways—small ways, big ways, but this shows that Romans 8:17 has
two categories of inheritance.
What
we are talking about in this passage is the first kind, because itÕs stated, in
1 Peter 3:7, that this is Òheirs together of the grace of life.Ó When two believers are
married together, they are heirs of God, they are heirs of life, they have
eternal life, and they are to learn to live together and respect each other.
The
last phrase in the verse is a warning to husbands, that if you donÕt live with
your wife according to knowledge, if you donÕt give honor and respect to your
wife, then your prayers will be hindered. The point that he is making is that
your relationship with your spouse, your relationship with your wife, is part
and parcel of your spiritual life and your spiritual growth. If youÕre not
obeying the Lord in these areas, then youÕre just stuck out of fellowship until
you start applying doctrine to your marriage.
So
next time we will see the wrap-up in this as we go towards the end of the
chapter. ÒFinally,
all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers,
be tenderhearted, be courteous.Ó That sounds very similar to things that
Paul says in Philippians 2:1–4. ÒBe of one mind É not returning evil for evil or
reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you are
called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.Ó See, thatÕs joint
heirship with Christ inheritance.
It
takes us right back to 1 Peter 2:17, ÒHonor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God.
Honor the king.Ó ThatÕs how you do it—if youÕre a slave, by
submitting to your master; if youÕre a wife, by submitting to your husband; if
youÕre a husband, by dwelling with your wife with understanding—according
to knowledge—and giving honor and respect to your wife.