To Remain Married or
Divorce; 1 Corinthians
One of the
problems when we get into the area of marriage and divorce is that we always
run into a certain amount of legalism. One of the characteristics of legalism
is that we like to have set rules, we like to know
exactly what to do in certain circumstances. Often the Word of God does not
tell us what to do in very circumstance. It gives us general principles and
under the leadership of the Holy Spirit and based on our own spiritual maturity
we have to apply those general principles to our circumstances. This is part of
what the Bible calls wisdom.
We live in a
time, as every believer has in the church age, when our concepts of marriage
and the role of the husband and the role of the wife are always affected to a
certain degree by the cosmic system surrounding us. We live in an age which has
been tremendously impacted by the influence of radical feminism since the 60s,
as well as an almost anti-male mentality, and so that has left many men
wondering just exactly how they are to operate as husbands.
Somebody emailed
a list of rules so that men can get a greater grasp of what is expected of them
today!
1)
The
female always makes the rules.
2)
The
rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3)
No
male can possibly know all the rules.
4)
The
female suspects that the male knows all the rules and she must immediately
change some or all of the rules.
5)
The
female is never wrong.
6)
If
the female is wrong it is because of the flagrant misunderstanding which is the
direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
7)
The
female can change her mind at any given point in time.
8)
The
male must never change his mind without express written consent from the
female.
9)
The
female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
10)
The
male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry or
upset.
11)
The
female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants
him to be angry or upset.
12)
Any
attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.
In the issue of
marriage, divorce and remarriage we have to remember the context. This is so
important when we get into the passages that relate to the subject of marriage
and divorce because one of the problems is that when Paul states certain
general principles he is stating them in light of questions that are being
asked and the context of the situation, especially here in Corinth. Remember,
the key issue here was celibacy. They were distorting the idea of celibacy, applying
it to marriage and saying that it was more spiritual to be celibate than to not
be celibate. They were casting aspersions on the concept of intimacy and sex in
marriage. Paul addresses in the first seven verses. In verse 8 he begins to
address three different groups of people in relationship to this. And we have
to come to another understanding here, that Paul has made it clear (2 Cor. 9)
that it is not God’s plan for believers to be married to unbelievers, it would
lead the congregation to the conclusion that if one is married to an unbeliever
then it is somehow defiling for me to have sexual relations with an unbelieving
spouse, and it is perhaps defiling to my spiritual life to be married to an
unbeliever. So that is one of the reasons Paul addresses the unbeliever in this
section as well.
So there are
three basic sections here. In verse 8 he says, “But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if
they remain even as I.” There he addresses one particular group: those who are
unmarried, and by unmarried he uses the Greek word AGAMOS [a)gamoj] a
general word for those who have never been married and those who are divorced.
We know that from verse 11 where he is addressing the believing wife: “(but if
she does leave [is divorced], she must remain unmarried [AGAMOS], or else
be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his
wife.” There he lays down this principle that it is good for them to remain as
he is. This is a crucial principle to understand throughout this entire
section, that Paul thinks it is better to remain in the state they are in, and
if single it is better to stay single, because you can give more time to
serving the Lord. This is not that it is an inherently more spiritual position
but simply because the single person has fewer responsibilities. He is not
contradicting the divine institution of marriage or the Christian institution
of marriage and it is wrong to put an inordinate emphasis on what he is saying
there. But we must understand in this context that a general overriding
principle here is that Paul keeps saying to stay in the condition you are in.
That doesn’t mean that it is wrong, immoral, or a sin to change that condition.
This runs into a problem with so many believers because we want every situation
to be cut and dried; it is either right to do this or it is wrong to do this.
Paul will qualify some of these general statements as we go through the text.
So it is important to recognize that Paul’s approach is to state a general principle,
and then he comes in and relates certain exceptions to that principle and
applies it in different situations.
In verse 10 he addresses
married believers. In verse 12 he addresses the rest, and by the rest we see by
the context in vv. 12-16 that it applies to those believers who are married to
unbelievers. So the primary theme in these verses, as in every verse that
relates to the subject of marriage and divorce, is that the divine ideal for
marriage is one partner for life.
Four
principles
1)
God does not
regulate sin. God prohibits, forbids sin but God doesn’t regulate sin. One of
the problems that we have when we talk about marriage is that some people get
the idea that in marriage when a man and a woman marry this creates some sort
of indissoluble, unbreakable, ontological, almost a
metaphysical union that no matter what happens can never be broken. That
presents a number of problems because Scripture clearly recognizes, as in
Deuteronomy 4, that if a man divorces his wife and she marries
another one that she is now the wife of that second husband. If there is this
sort of unbreakable, indissoluble union that occurs then she can never
legitimately be called the wife of somebody else. It is the same in John
chapter four where Jesus is talking to the Samaritan woman and recognizes that
she has had five husbands. It doesn’t state that they all died but the chances
are that those five men did not die and that they were divorced. Jesus clearly
recognizes in His discussion with her that she is not now the husband of
anyone, so He recognizes the legitimacy of those divorces and that they ended
the marriage. That is important because there are many people who believe that
there is no provision in the Scriptures for divorce at all or remarriage, and
yet there is at least those two examples that the Lord Himself recognizes the
reality of the ending of a marriage. But God doesn’t regulate sin, therefore that means that there is validity to divorce
and remarriage under some conditions. Those modifications have been made
because of the reality of sinfulness. God is a realist and He understands the
problems that have entered into human history because of the sin nature. So God
deals with man in grace and grace is an overriding principle that must be
understood when talking about this subject.
2)
Because of the
present reality of sin the exceptions must not be taken as creating a
permissive situation where marriage is viewed as somehow disposable. Because of
the present reality of sin and because of the fact that Scripture clearly
recognizes that people are going to have problems in marriages and marriages
are going to break up, that this must never be taken as creating any kind of
permissive situation where marriage is viewed as somehow disposable. The
standard in Scripture is even though there may be exceptions those exceptions
don’t mandate divorce, they simply allow for it in certain circumstances. But
for the believer the standard is always to do as much as possible to work out
the problems in the marriage, applying the principle of reconciliation. And the
sub-text throughout all these passages is, if the believer can’t apply the
principle of reconciliation in his own personal life how can he be an effective
witness or testimony to the doctrine of reconciliation in witnessing. So we
have to recognize that just because there are problems and just because there
are exceptions it doesn’t mean that you necessarily have to follow those
exceptions.
3)
The tone of all
the divorce passages in Scripture is not to focus on the exception idea but on
the importance of the believer applying doctrine to the situation and seeking
reconciliation and peace in the marriage, even though this may take years or
decades. What we tend to do it ask: How can I get out
of it? Marriage testing is one area of people testing that is extremely
difficult, and when people are going through that it is very typical, as with
all categories of testing, is to have uppermost in the mind how to get out of
the situation.
4)
The two extremes
must be avoided. The first extreme is one that every one of us has probably
felt at one time or another is to rationalize a justification. One often hears
the rationalisation in one form or another: God would not want me to be this
miserable. What that person has done is to buy into a completely false premise.
How many times do we get involved in some form of testing, some form of
adversity, that is going to go on and on and on for years, if not decades. The
real test is to trust God in the midst of those horrible circumstances, not to
figure out some way to get rid of them. What we are really saying by this
rationalisation is that God wouldn’t want me to go through that adversity. That
just runs contrary to Scripture. God often allows or specifically puts us in
miserable circumstances, and miserable circumstances
that may last a lifetime, in order for us to learn that real happiness and
stability in life is not dependent on those circumstances. Real happiness and
real stability in life is not dependent on a spouse, children, a job, finances
or any detail of life. So we have to avoid that pressure to make it too easy to
come up with reasons or justifications to allow for divorce. On the other hand
we have to allow for yielding to the pressure of legalism and idealism without accepting
the present reality of sin: that there are situations where one partner yields
to carnality to such a degree that it is no longer feasible for one partner to
stay in that marriage. A lot of different conditions that are not addressed in
Scripture are present today such as physical abuse, sexual abuse, financial
abuse, etc. Many of these situations do not necessitate a divorce (in fact,
none of them make a divorce necessary) but there is Scriptural allowance for
the fact that divorce can take place under some of these circumstances. While
it may not be sin to divorce it may not allow for remarriage.
1 Corinthians
In verse 12 when he says, “I
say, not the Lord,” he recognizes clearly that he is addressing a situation in
vv. 10, 11 that the Lord addressed in Matthew
One of the things that we
have to recognize in this whole subject, and that we will get to eventually in
a little more detail, is that it doesn’t really matter here who initiates. Paul
is not addressing who initiates or who doesn’t initiate a divorce.
“…and that the husband should
not divorce his wife.” Here we get into the second word in this passage that is
used for divorce, and that is APHIEMI [a)fihmi]. This is the same word that is translated “forgiveness”
in other passages, and it has the ideas in this context of forgiving a
contractual obligation, so it came to be used as a word for divorce. The
principle in verses 10 and 11 for two believers who are married is that unless
there is an exception [some kind of sexual infidelity and desertion] there is
no room for remarriage. The idea is that all these other problems can be solved
through the use of the problem-solving devices and the application of doctrine,
and God’s grace is sufficient.
1 Corinthians
1 Corinthians
1 Corinthians
Now we get and exception in
verse 15. What happens if the unbelieving spouse leaves? 1
Corinthian
There may not be anything
that is more of a test than for someone who is living with an unbeliever,
especially and unbeliever who is hostile to their spiritual life and their
positive volition to doctrine. Peter addresses this is 1 Peter 3:1 NASB
“1 Pet 3:1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so
that even if any {of them} are disobedient to the word [either and unbeliever
or carnality], they may be won without a word by the behavior
of their wives, [2] as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.” What is difficult for a woman is that they look
at this husband who has destroyed every basis for their respect for them and
they ask how they can respect him. The principle here is respect for the office,
even though the individual who possesses the office is not worthy of respect. [3]
“Your
adornment must not be {merely} external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses;
[7] “You husbands in the same
way, live with {your wives} in an understanding way,” – on the basis of
understanding doctrine and grace orientation] – “as with someone weaker, since
she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir
of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. [8] To sum up,
all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted,
and humble in spirit;
The doctrine of marriage failure
1)
We have to
recognize that marriage is a divine institution for believer and unbeliever alike.
Therefore the general principles of marriage and divorce apply despite your
spiritual status. The rules for marriage are the same because marriage is a
divine institution for believer and unbeliever alike.
2)
In the New
Testament marriage for believers take son an additional and higher significance
because in marriage the believer has an opportunity to be a corporate testimony
in their marriage in the angelic conflict. There was a failure in the marriage
in the garden of Eden and as two believers grow and
advance in maturity they have the opportunity to reverse the negative testimony
of marriage in the garden and to present something as a positive testimony to
the grace of God in the angelic conflict.
3)
However, we need
to recognize that it takes two to make a marriage successful and one to make a
marriage miserable.
4)
One of three
things can happen when a marriage becomes difficult: a) You
decide to stick with it and endure the situation. That doesn’t means that if
you are being physically abused or there is drug abuse or you are in danger of being
defrauded financially that you should stay in that situation; b) the second
option is separation without remarriage; c) under the two circumstances of
either sexual infidelity or the fact that the other person has left, has
deserted the marriage and is not going to take any more responsibility or
accountability for the marriage, that that also ends the marriage contract.
Only under those two circumstances is there freedom to remarry.
5)
In a mixed
marriage only the unbeliever can make the decision and take the initiative in
divorce.
6)
Only biblical divorce
provides the right to remarry.
7)
Divorce and
remarriage were clearly permitted under the Mosaic law, the only exception being
in Deuteronomy 24:3, 4 is that the wife once divorce and remarried to somebody
else could not come back and remarry the first husband.
8)
In the Old Testament
the man always initiated the divorce, but nevertheless even in our culture the
principle works both ways because both women and men can initiate a divorce.
9)
In John 4 Jesus
recognized that the woman at the well and had had various marriages was no
longer married to any of them. That emphasizes the legitimacy or the reality of
divorce that ends a previous marriage.
10)
Divorce and remarriage
is allowed for PORNEIA [porneia]
in Matthew 5:32; 19:9, which is an act of sexual infidelity, desertion in 1
Corinthians
11)
If you remarry a
divorced person who is not legitimately divorced on biblical grounds, or either
both of you do not have a biblical cause for the previous divorce, then the law
of the status quo comes into play. That means stay in the marriage you are in. This
is where confession and forgiveness, grace, comes in.
1 Corinthians