Clough Manhood Series Lesson 11

Isaac: Seeking a Wife – Genesis 24-27

Tonight we come to the eleventh in the series of the doctrine of the Christian man as found in Scripture. We have completed the early section in Genesis, seeing how Abraham finally becomes a great model for every Christian man. We see that modeling in many different areas. We see it in the sense that Abraham has two very unlikely characteristics; that is unlikely in the sense that they are both together very unlikely, and that is that he has a toughness in his soul and yet he has a tenderness in his soul. A toughness because of his tremendous confidence in God’s sovereignty, that God’s promises are sovereignly certain. And that’s the basis for his toughness; his toughness being defined as the ability to endure opposition and pressure. His tenderness is due to his very accurate perception of God’s grace. So these two, God’s sovereignty and God’s grace, acted together to produce this quality of soul in this great male believer.

We saw in his relationship with his wife there was communication both ways; he could tell Sarah to do things without having an extended argument and discussion. At the same time he could also receive advice from her without pridefully turning the deaf ear. His relationship with his business, he followed the divine viewpoint priorities of investment. He sought favorable spiritual assets, at least if not more important, than material assets for the spiritual character involved in the people, the hard working attitude would ultimately bring forth material riches. We saw how he insisted on contractual agreements. He insisted that his business associates hold to those contractual agreements. He had no room for terrorism and hooliganism. And when people walked into his business and did that he promptly fought back, quickly, decisively, and ruthlessly. His relationship with God was one that we could say was characterized by the fact that he had never got his eyes of the Blessor unto the blessee. He kept his eyes always on the Blessor, at least toward the end of his life.

Now today we begin in Genesis 24 with another man. This man is less than his father. The mans’ name, of course, is Isaac. Isaac represents a degeneration. In the theology of Genesis there is a three generation degeneration. We have, on the one hand, Abraham; Abraham is the one who set the pace for the patriarchs. Every man coming after Abraham does not live up to Abraham’s high calling, so Isaac is less than his father; Jacob is less than Isaac, and Joseph and that whole generation of Jacob’s sons is less than Jacob. Now the reason for this is that God’s dream, in his vision…, the reason why we can make this interpretation is that if you study the Genesis text and go through it very carefully you’ll notice that the divine guidance becomes more obscure. At the first we have Abraham meeting God at every point, God speaking, making things clear to Abraham, and then we have the next thing Isaac. We’ll see tonight that already in Isaac’s day revelation is becoming less; it’s less clear and it’s less frequent. Then we come down do Jacob’s day and it’s even less until finally we get down to Joseph; an interesting thing about Joseph is he never encountered a direct theophany, it’s always providential leadings. So it shows a very clear diminishing of the interaction of the patriarchs in Joseph.

It also illustrates a principle that later comes up in the Ten Commandments, “I will visit the iniquities of the fathers unto the children of the third and fourth generation of them that hate Me.” God does not permit family learned behavior patterns to go on for generation after generation before He begins to break up families. And this family had to be preserved, not broken up, but also they had to be dealt with because they were becoming progressively infiltrated with Canaanite apostasy. Therefore it turned out that in the last generation we have them going down into exile in Egypt. This is because there is a purification that must happen in this area. This family has to be purged of their apostate tendency to suck up Canaanitism. So that’s the theology of the whole book of Genesis, a progressive setting up of the family but then a purification of the family. Well, Isaac sets in this generation, he stands number 2; he does not take after his father in many different ways and it will be a good thing to contrast Isaac with his father, Abraham, and to see a man who was a believer but he does not have the quality of Abraham and more important to us in our practical living, is we’ll see what things happened in Abraham’s family and Isaac’s family; why things happened in his family that never happened in Abraham’s family, very practical things, a practical fallout from his attitude toward the Scriptures.

In Genesis 24 we have the famous selection of Isaac’s bride. And so this entire chapter is the good start that Isaac got; he got a very good woman for his wife. We’ll study some of the ways in which this woman was picked out. Now, it’s true that God guides us providentially and it’s true that God is behind the selection of your mate for life. That’s true. But I hesitate to talk about right man and right woman because every time I do I find someone taking a fatalistic interpretation toward that. And they sit back and they sit back and expect the right man or the right woman to just kind of come through the ceiling some place and take a totally passive attitude toward it. And therefore I’m not going to talk about right man, right woman because I’ve found that terminology, at least here, dangerous. And so we’ll just simply say this, that the Christian, the believer, picks out their mate, and it will be seen here, by following wisdom principles.

Now we only have two guidelines in Scripture; they are two very useful guidelines but that’s all they are. God isn’t going to bolt from the blue and write her name on the ceiling, or his name on the ceiling, for you. You have to exercise common sense in applying biblical principles. One of those biblical principles is 2 Corinthians 6:14 that says you should not be unequally yoked. It’s talking about entering contractual agreements with those people who are in basic rebellion against the authority of Scripture. They are manifested by failing to respond to the gospel of Jesus Christ and therefore they are not on common ground with you if you are a believer and you have no business getting socially involved with unbelievers. It’s nice to have friends; fine, just keep it that way. But any undue involvement with unbelievers is going to, in the final conclusion, ruin you and set you up for trouble for the rest of your life. God can be gracious and reverse it. And of course in this kind of a situation someone can always say well, I know so and so and they got out of it fine. That’s okay, the human race fell and those who trust in Christ get out of it fine but that’s no excuse for the human race falling. You cannot use God’s grace as a cop out to ignore personal responsibility in bad decisions.

So 2 Corinthians 6:14 is a basis. Yet I do not know how many times I have talked to couples out of fundamental circles, who have been taught this and taught this and taught this until you would think they had been blue in the face, instead they’ve been blue in the head. But you have some, well is so and so a believer? Gee, I don’t know whether so and so is a believer or not. Oh, you’ve got to the point where you want premarital counseling but yet you don’t know whether so and so is a believer? Well, that’s a fine state of affairs, what have you been discussing all these times you’ve been together? See, it’s ridiculous, yet it happens hundreds and hundreds and thousands of times in Christian circles. And then the poor pastors from all over the place have to spend time scraping everyone up off the floor from post-marital problems. And I think of all the counseling, about 90% of it, is expended on trying to recoup losses because some group of idiots failed to apply Scriptural principles. Now other counseling is jut normal every day counseling that people need, but there are some inexcusable cases where people ought to have known better, simply on the basis of 2 Corinthians 6:14.

Now the other principle that we have in selection is Genesis 2:23, the famous song of Adam, “She is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh,” and the principle there is what the secular people refer to as compatibility; we do not refer to that as compatibility because you will never meet anyone else that is compatible with you this side of Eden. In fact you will find out that in yourself you aren’t compatible with yourself, leave alone with someone else. So this side of Eden there is no hope for compatibility. But the “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh” simply goes back to a commonality of nature and culture. We’ll watch this develop here in Genesis 24.

This means, there are certain implications of this and let’s be specific and draw these implications out. There are only two biblical principles that we’ve got to operate on. One’s from the man’s perspective, he’s single and you know that it’s a female, and that’s [can’t understand words]. All right, you’ve got two principles to apply then, 2 Corinthians 6:14 and Genesis 2:23. Now there are a lot of details in applying the second one of those and we’ll see those details here. But the point is that everything that is not explicitly stated in those principles cannot be used as an absolute against marriage.

What am I working up to? I’m working up to the statement, often misunderstood in Christian circles, that there is no prohibition in Scripture against interracial marriage. You may not like that, but I challenge you to find me one verse prohibiting interracial marriage. There isn’t any, and I’ll show a whole book that’s written to attack the position; the book of Ruth. Ruth was of another race, a race that was condemned in Scripture. And the book of Ruth is a triumph of their marriage over the racial barrier. But let me hasten to add the reason why that marriage succeeded was because they had a common base spiritually and their culture, though inter-racial, their culture was very much akin. So the reason why interracial marriages are very unlikely to happen is simply because two people of a different race think so completely different that there’s a maximum of friction. See, that’s the reason, but there is no biblical absolute. If you want to argue the case you you’d have to come in under Genesis 2:23. We have to stop where the Scriptures stop.

The reason I’m making this is because of a well known case several years back involving some members of this church, involving a person on the mission field that married a Chinese person and ever since that time there have been all sorts of snotty remarks passed around about this woman because she married this Chinese man and that that was anti-scriptural and all the rest. It just shows you the legalism that has developed in the fundamental circles; in other words, everyone of course, except them, understood very clearly the will of God; they were sticking their nose, in other words, into their business. So just leave your nose out of other people’s business. When it’s your own children involved, all right, you have an obligation. Otherwise just stay out of it. You can pray for them but then just shut your mouth. You can give counsel when it’s asked for and that’s all you can do.

Let’s watch how Isaac’s wife was picked. In Genesis 23:3 Abraham seeks help to pick out a woman for his son. And he says in verse 3, “And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell. [4] But you shall go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.” Now why the prohibition against all the Canaanite girls in verse 3? It wasn’t because they didn’t have it as far as being females is concerned, in fact they were some of the prettiest girls going; Samson found that out so there’s no problem in that department. The problem was that culturally these girls were totally out of it. And Abraham, knowing that his son was to be heir of a totally counter culture, a divine viewpoint counterculture could not afford to mess up his son with some clown that had been raised in heathenism and would create a heathenistic marriage, with all the heathenistic values and so forth.

And so Abraham asserts a principle; it’s the Genesis 2:23 principle, he’s looking around for a girl who has the qualities closest to his son. Notice too that there’s no mention in verse 3 of a possibility of a convert from among the Canaanites. And this shows you that it’s not the case of someone becoming a Christian who has had a very gross background, who is totally absorbed in human viewpoint, and then all of a sudden they become a Christian and that suddenly qualifies them to reverse all the human viewpoint in their past. The Bible takes a very long-term view to this. Ruth is an exception but even then Ruth had been converted long before, and she had time to work the human viewpoint kinks out of her soul. So that can’t be used as an example to counter this one; this is a very sound principle.

Statistically it’s a waste of time even looking for a good girl among the Canaanites; that’s what he’s saying. Don’t bother with them, the probability is you’re going to get faked out if you try it. So frankly, it’s statistical; very bluntly pragmatically statistical—you don’t go where the clods are and the Canaanites are where the clods are. You go where the girls with the maximum opportunity to meet girls with a good spiritual background, and that’s in verse 4, and that’s what he tells him. It’s not an absolute because we don’t have a biblical absolute but it’s a statistical generalization and that’s how these men established their leading. Now every once in a while we’ll have someone in total frustration wondering where they’re going to find their right number. The first possible action you might take is go where the right numbers are circulating. You don’t meet them, if you are a girl, in a sorority; you go where the guys are and vice versa. So you see, the first principle is very, very simple, just circulate in the area.

So he goes back into “my people,” showing that it’s primarily a cultural thing, showing that he’s going to get background, family background. In Genesis 24:5-6 the servant raises a question about the girl’s volition. It’s very intriguing that in all this divine guidance going on, Rebekah’s volition is never destroyed; it’s always respected. “And the servant said unto him, Perhaps the woman will not be wiling to follow me into this land: must I then bring thy son again into the land from which you came? [6] And Abraham said unto him, Beware that you do not bring my son there again.” That verse shows you that the place where Rebekah came from was not ideal either, and Abraham did not want his son going down there and getting stuck with some girl and staying with that girl’s family. The provision was that you actually go where the best girls are, but we’re not going to stay there, because the best, as far as the culture is concerned is not good enough. So we’re going to extract the best one we can find and we’re going to pull her out of that culture back to our own. We will not permit our sons to go into that culture and stay there. So if it’s going to be the right girl it will be by evacuating her from that culture; even that one is not right.

Genesis 24:7, “The LORD God of heaven, who took me from my father’s house, and from the land of my kindred, and who spoke unto me, and who swore unto me, saying, Unto thy seed will I give this land; he shall send His angel before you, and you shall take a wife unto my son from there.” Now it sounds like it’s all cut and dried. But what I want you to notice as the text goes on, it is not cut and dried and therefore Genesis 24 can act as a very good guide for practical application today. Even though, yes, there’s supernatural revelation occurring here and there isn’t in our day, there is no cut and dried thing. You watch what happens here. It looks like in verse 7 that it’s cut and dried, but then notice immediately in verse 8: “And if the woman will not be willing to follow you, then you will be clear from my oath: but don’t bring my son there again.” So in spite of the fact that even the angel of God would accompany him in verse 7, still that would not compel the girl to follow; the girl could go or not go; that’s God’s respect. The old proverb that a woman convinced against her will is of the same opinion still. And so even the angel of the Lord didn’t want to tackle that one.

Genesis 24:9, so “the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham,” which is a sign of the signing of the covenant, the servant leaves, and he enters the land. Now Genesis 24:12-14, a very shrewd area of application of simple wisdom. That’s all it is, it sounds like it’s a big long plea for extra revelation; not at all. “And he said, O LORD God of my master, Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and show kindness unto my master, Abraham. [13] Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water. [14] Let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink, and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also; then let that person be the one that You have appointed for your servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that You have shown kindness unto my master.”

Several things about this, some important things about this passage. The first thing that both in verse 12 and verse 14, the issue is the Abrahamic Covenant. The issue ultimately is not finding a bride for Isaac. The issue ultimately is showing grace to Abraham. So that shows you right away that the purpose of the marriage was framed by a higher purpose and the higher purpose was to carry out God’s will in this family. It sounds very unromantic; the romantic side develops but inside this larger thing. The marriage is not build on romance; it is built on the call of God, much as it may gripe modern Americans.

All right, verse 12 and 14 also show you that the servant wants the girl to fit that covenant; he bases it on the covenant, he wants the girl to be compatible with the purposes of that covenant, and the qualities he is going to look for, for that’s really all he’s doing here, he’s praying, he’s not saying God, I know that you’re going to pick her out definitely because later on he says you may not come, tell me, are you are aren’t you. So that very fact later on in the text precludes the interpretation that this servant is automatically dictating that the first girl who drops her little bucket down there is going to be the right one. What he is saying is Lord, let her have these qualities. So now verses 13-14 become very interesting because they show you the kind of qualities in the woman that the man was to look for in his wife. I will stand here, the women will come out, and I’m going to ask one to get me a drink; she’s going to respond by saying two things; she’s going to say drink and I will give thy camels also to drink. It will be an unsolicited addition; that’s what the servant is looking for.

Now you say well, what’s that going to show. It’s going to show a certain sensitivity in his soul. There’s a very interesting test he devices, to just watch; some girls might come out and they’d say yeah, I’ll give you a drink, here. But this girl looks at him and perceives the guy has a need and begins to think in terms of him and what he’s doing, his job, where he’s going and she begins to help. And so therefore she has the ‘ezer quality, and that’s what he’s looking for, and that’s why this test is devised. It’s not a magic test, it’s just simply looking for quality. Said another way, he’s looking for a woman who’s not self-centered.

Beware when you date some girl that’s always talking about I feel that, I could do that, I couldn’t do this, and I think this and my opinion is so great about that and all the rest of it. It’s obnoxious. Near MIT they had a girl’s division of Harvard; I don’t know what they’ve done, they’ve probably put the boys over there now but it used to be the girl’s side of Harvard called Radcliff. And it was always the game for the guys in Cambridge used to sit on the street and watch these girls go by, and the Christian guys who had a little sense of creation always used to say well, we thought Genesis said God created the male and female until this, now we don’t know what category to put it into. But the rule in dating one of these girls was that you had to stomp all over her intellectually on the first date or you never survived. And so you boned up on something and just smeared her to the wall the first time, and then if she could take that you got along real fine. But that was the only way because they were pushy, snobby female characters that were going to just push the men all over the place. So they had to be put in their place and if you couldn’t do it on the first date the rule was forget it, go somewhere else.

Well, this is sort of the thing that is being looked at here in verses 13-14; there’s qualities here that they want and the quality could be summarized by a spirit of ‘ezer, helpfulness and the helpfulness is going to be shown by an unsolicited interest in the man and his interests. She’s not self-centered. Now isn’t that interesting, that he doesn’t say in verses 13-14 let her have such and such a figure, we want a blonde or we want a brunette, or we want a redhead; there’s nothing here mentioned about that. The prayer is over the girl’s character. So watch this and watch the priority that’s involved.

Genesis 24:15, “And it came to pass, before he had finished speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham’s brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder.” Now that verse is intended to show you something else—family background of the girl was very important. Remember that in our souls we carry a mass of learned behavior patterns. Some are unrighteous; some are righteous, some are our own, divine institution one, some are picked up out of divine institution three, some are picked up out of the fourth divine institution, the state. So some person actually has learned behavior patterns that they’ve developed, learned behavior patterns they’ve learned as children over the years in their home, and they learned behavior patterns that they’ve learned from their country. Now in this passage, you notice, Abraham’s tried to limit these by simply going to a place that would have roughly the same kind of learned behavior patterns.

Now he comes to this one. Now this little autobiography or biography given in verse 15 is to deal with the learned behavior patterns of the third divine institution and simply say this girl comes from a good family; she’s got a good family background. Do you want to see what she’s like; there’s the genealogy. What kind of character is the wife of Nahor, for example? Do you want to know what the girl is going to be like, look at her mother; that’s simple. What was her father like? And these become indices of that girl’s character. It’s not just the girl, it’s the girl’s family that’s involved. And of course, verses 13-14 deal with the learned behavior patterns of divine institution one. So the emphasis all, so far, has nothing to do with the way the girl looks; it has to do with her soul.

Now let’s go on in verse 16, “And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.” Now there’s a place of beauty but the place of beauty is framed in Scripture. So let’s talk about it in a plus sense and a minus sense. Beauty is important in a girl, it’s mentioned here so obviously its important. The beauty is important because it shows this: it shows that she is careful to subdue the earth beginning with herself. Now that’s a simple test to see how obedient she is to the mandate to subdue the earth. If she doesn’t have proper diet, and she doesn’t have proper exercise and she doesn’t keep herself under relative discipline, that tells you… you can just judge right there what kind of a situation you’ve got; you don’t have to go any further because you can tell right there we have an index, or an indices, or a measurement, a parameter of how well she’s subduing the earth.

Now what do we mean specifically? Okay, does this girl exercise? Obviously Rebekah is exercising, she’s not sitting on her duff worrying about her figure and then taking diet pills or something and flipping out because she is not exercising to keep herself in shape; she’s trying to diet her way into shape. Diet has a place, but exercise does too. And other things you could add to this; does she dress like a boy or does she dress like a girl? I’ve often said some of you girls that are worried about boys never see you, if you’d dress like a girl once in a while maybe they’d look. So there’s that kind of a situation. And of course, the 1 Corinthians 11:15 brings out the other thing that’s a frustration to every woman alive and that’s her hair and that says that the glory of the woman is in her hair. And if she feels like she is a clod she’ll generally keep her hair looking like it. Now this doesn’t mean some legalistic thing but it just shows you that the physical beauty does carry weight, but within limits. That’s the point the Scripture is saying, within limits.

The negative side of this: God never asks someone to be physically beautiful beyond the way they’re made. He never asks us to do something we cannot do and therefore that’s why we bracket that physical beauty; we bracket it with the fact that God will never command you and you have no moral obligation to exceed what assets you’ve got. Now when the servant looks at this thing, it’s a woman, in verses 13-14 and he’s thinking about what kind of character, basically what he is saying and when he recognizes she’s beautiful, the physical beauty is the second issue. After all, if she’s overweight Isaac can put her on a diet and make her jog around the block five miles every day and he can shape her up. Physically every girl has the right equipment, so you don’t have to worry about that. What you have to worry about is the character; that doesn’t come automatically and that’s the point where the Scripture puts the emphasis. So watch in Genesis 24, time and time, verse after verse after verse, this is the only place, in verse 16, the only place where this girl’s figure and her physical appearance is mentioned. Now certainly we’ve got to trust the weigh of the Holy Spirit, the way He describes thing. We’re looking at history here through the eyes of the Holy Spirit. We’re looking at a guy picking out his wife through the eyes of the Holy Spirit, and so we’ve got to go with the weight of the text. And the weight of the text is on the girl’s family background, which we can only deduce that that becomes a primary factor in her character.

Let’s go on and watch the give and take here. “And the servant ran to meet her, and said, Let me, I pray thee, drink a little water of thy pitcher. [18] And she said, Drink, my lord: and she hasted, and let down her pitcher upon her hand, and gave him drink.” And when she had done it, notice verse 19, [““And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking.”
Notice something else, verse 19 shows her concern for the man and his needs, it shows that without asking she understands him, at least basically. It also shows, in verse 18, that she has some evidence of upbringing and manners.

Let’s look further. Genesis 24:23, “Whose daughter art you? tell me, I pray thee: is there room in thy father’s house for us to lodge in? [24] And she said unto him, I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, [which she bare unto Nahor].” What does that show? Again we keep asking questions of the text. Why does the Holy Spirit put these parts of the conversation here. Lots of conversation but why did the Holy Spirit pick these out? Because this shows that the girl is very acutely aware of her family. She respects and honors the family and she is not embarrassed to tell him what her family background is. Now if she doesn’t have the family background the Scriptures aren’t necessarily condemning. What I’m saying here is that when there is a decision made about a person, the family background has got to figure into it. You don’t marry an individual, you marry a family.

Let’s go on, Genesis 24:25, “She said moreover unto him, We have both straw, [and provender enough, and room to lodge in,” and this again shows the character. [26] “And the man bowed down his head,” and thanked the Lord, that’s what verse 26 is doing. And in verse 29-30 Rebekah’s brother, Laban comes out. And in verse 32 the conversation goes on to describe now the groom’s background. “And the man came into the house: and he ungirded his camels, and gave straw and provender for the camels, and water to wash his feet, and the men’s feet that were with him. [33] And there was set meat before him to eat: [but he said, I will not eat, until I have told mine errand. And he said, Speak on].”

Now in verses 34-35 he describes the groom’s family. Notice the emphasis, over and over and over in this passage is on the exchange of family character. Verse 35 shows you the great spiritual character of Abraham; it is a testimony, that’s what it is, of the fact that Abraham is a believer, he has applied the Word of God in his business life, in his home life, and God has prospered. [35, “And the LORD hath blessed my master greatly; and he is become great: and he hath given him flocks, and herds, and silver, and gold, and menservants, and maidservants, and camels, and asses.”]

Verse 36 ,”And Sarah my master’s wife bare a son to my master when she was old: and unto him hath he given all that he hath.” It gets into the details, the money. Now I have beat my head against the wall so often in counseling young couples who flit down the aisle and they must have been thinking of something else when they said their vows, and walked out, and then the come, they want a divorce two weeks later, two months later, two years later, it doesn’t make any difference, the point is the same thing. So now we are instituting, as of tonight, a new principle of premarital counseling and every couple will be assigned to work out in detail the same kind of thing that an Orthodox Jewish couple would be asked to work out and that is called the Ketubah, and the Ketubah is a marital contract that stipulates your belief in many, many different areas. It’s not legally binding, technically, but it’s an exercise for you to think through what it is that you are vowing. And we go into such subjects as your attitude to children, your attitude to property, y our disposition of property, how you intend to use the property and so on, because you think that people graduating from college would understand that that’s all wrapped up, but I find they don’t. So now we have to go through all of those details but we are going to do it. Just like this, they go through in and in verse 36 it’s bargaining; that’s what that is. It’s talking about money and monetary assets. And that does enter into the issue. It’s not the case where Isaac is moonstruck over Rebekah and he just kind of goes flying off in some Santa Claus’ sleigh and a happy ever after. It’s built up from hard facts of life.

Let’s go on. Genesis 24:49 shows you that this is no coercive deal; Rebekah is not getting her arm twisted, nor is Laban. Notice in verse 49 the proposal the servant makes to Laban: “ And now if ye will deal kindly and truly with my master, tell me: and if not, tell me; that I may turn to the right hand, or to the left.” Now isn’t that an astounding verse, when you think in terms of the first one was “the angel of the Lord” is going to lead me to the right woman. Now isn’t it interesting that it’s not that simple; that statement occurs but you’ve got to interpret that statement in the light of this statement, and this statement shows you that it was a tentative prayer; Lord, let it be like this, but I don’t close my eyes to that facts, and if this girl isn’t sold or her family isn’t sold on the union, then forget it, we’ll go some place else. That’s flexibility; there’s none of this backyard fatalism that goes on here.

Ben 24:50, “Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, The thing proceeds from the LORD: we cannot speak unto thee bad or good.” That’s an idiom for the fact that they can’t give him a definite thing, it’s just whatever the Lord wants. [51] “Behold, Rebekah is before thee, take her, and go, and let her be thy master’s son’s wife, as the LORD hath spoken.” And so it goes on to say, verse 60, “And they blessed Rebekah,” that’s the family and that’s another principle, that her prosperity, notice, “Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them.” That is an ancient way of emphasizing prosperity, and it’s the same thing as Ruth, it’s often quoted in the wedding service, that her prosperity is now her groom’s prosperity, together they are one flesh. And their destinies are tied together from that point on.

Now Genesis 24:67, “And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her,” notice the sequence of the verbs; he did not begin loving her before he married her. The learning to love is something that occurred within the marital covenant; that is so hard to understand because the human viewpoint deal today is always emphasizing romantic love and that’s fine but… it makes it deterministic. The average American couple thinks deterministically, that somehow you’ve got it or you don’t. A couple comes in, Jay Adams pointed this out in one of his books, he says a couple came in to him one day and said we don’t love one another. And of course, what they were hoping that he would then say was: well, then you need a divorce. Instead he looked at them and said well, gee, that’s too bad, you’re going to have to learn. Huh! You weren’t expecting that answer, but that’s the biblical answer; too bad you don’t love one another but you’d better get started.

And so in Scripture it puts the emphasis on learning to love. That is a learned response; it begins with people who have character. That’s the input; both Isaac has character, Rebekah has character, but they learn to love within the framework. And that’s why in the Hebrew language there are two verbs to love. There’s one verb to love, there’s one verb, ahav love which means I just choose, I choose this, I choose that or something, and then there’s this chesed love; chesed love is the love within a covenant, and it means that there’s a covenant framework and inside that we have love develop. That’s why I insist when we have an oath in a marriage service, the wedding service, that’s so important. See, that’s the real basis of the marriage; it’s not the romantic feelings of the moment that’s going to carry the couple. What’s going to have to carry the couple is this rock solid faith in the covenant; that’s it, and that’s the base. It can’t be located any other place.

All right, so there’s the good start for Isaac; he does have God’s woman for him, he is blessed. Now let’s watch the bad end. The good start but the bad end. Genesis 25:19, let’s go to where Isaac failed. There are three areas of his failure, one is his failure in his home. We want to study this, why he failed in the home. There’s various reasons for it, it didn’t just happen, it’s not a mystery. Certain Scriptural principles were violated and this guy wrecked his home because he didn’t emphasize leadership. “And these are the generations of Isaac, Abraham’s son: Abraham begat Isaac: [20] And Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah to wife….” Isaac, now in verse 21, begins well; notice in verse 21 he begins well. What is Rebekah? One of her roles is to bring forth the godly seed, and they can’t have any children. And so Isaac at least has sense enough to begin to pray for his wife, that she can conceive. So that shows he starts off on the right track. No problem, so far. It says, “And Isaac intreated” or he pleaded “with the LORD for his wife, because she was barren: and the LORD was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived. [22] And the children struggled together within her; and she said, If it be so, why am I thus? And she went to inquire of the LORD. [23] And the LORD said unto her, Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger.”

Now there is divine revelation about Psalm 139:13-18, that “weaving together” that we mentioned. Well, here God is telling her how He’s weaving things together; He’s giving the destiny. Remember in Psalm 139 we said the days yet unwritten are being confirmed. Well, here’s evidence again of that same biblical idea, that in the womb destinies are being shaped. So God is shaping this and he communicates to Rebekah. But in the light of what’s going to happen we can only come to one of two conclusions at this point: (1) Rebekah never told her husband what went on here in verse 23, which is almost inconceivable, or (2) from this point forward Isaac tuned the whole thing out.

And here’s where one of his failures began as a man in his home. He tuned out the long-term promises of the Word of God in favor of short-term gain. And he began to cultivate a lifestyle in his family where he was going to satisfy the immediate desire at hand, independently of God’s big plan for that home. Isaac knew enough to know that his children would have to be of the seed, the godly seed. He also knew enough because of the argument that went on in his home when he was growing up as a boy over Ishmael and himself. So he realized the necessity of pinpointing which child should receive the inheritance. He knew enough but he didn’t. So remember, verse 23 is Isaac’s stumbling block; that is a portion of the will of God that that man never followed in his marriage. And the whole thing is going to crash. They didn’t have, apparently, counselors then but he would have come with his tail between his legs, well, what happened, my wife just took off. It just all of a sudden started, didn’t it? Just a big mystery. No, it was building up, building up, building up, building up, building up over years and it starts right here, with this insensitivity to God’s will.

Let’s go on and see what happens. Genesis 25:25, “And the first came out red, all over like an hairy garment; and they called his name Esau.” Notice, this is a rare sense of Scripture, but you’ve been around here enough to know my remark again and again, Scripture does not usually physically describe people, and usually when you read in your Bible and you come across a passage like this you go whoa, hold it, because this is not normative for Scripture to be describing what someone looks like. And when you find a physical description this clear, something is going to happen; that figures into the story.

Genesis 25:26, “And after that came his brother out, and his hand took hold on Esau’s heel; and his name was called Jacob: and Isaac was threescore years old when she bare them. [27] And the boys grew: and Esau was a cunning hunter, a man of the field; and Jacob was a plain man, dwelling in tents. [28] And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebekah loved Jacob.” There’s a result of neglecting verse 23; first do you see spiritual neglect; next do you see the parents are split in their allegiance over their children. The children take precedence, and mamma likes this and daddy likes that. And the family has lost its unity right here. When the Word of God goes the unity goes, and sure enough, the unity is going right out of this marriage right at this point. Notice something else. In verse 27-28, why did Isaac, the father, love Esau? Notice, the Word of God gives us the reason. This man, who neglected verse 23, the long-term, what did he want? He liked venison. Now isn’t that ridiculous; his eyes are on short-term gain, and so he replaces… we talk about later on the selling of the birthright, you’ve got it right here. Daddy is teaching his son, right here, the name of the game. And the name of the game is food over birthright; the birthright doesn’t mean anything son, boy, I like the venison. So where does Esau get it from? The old man, that’s where he gets it from.

“Rebekah loved Jacob,” now Jacob probably was kind of a mousey character, he certainly wasn’t from the human point of view the most desirable of the twins. But Rebekah and Jacob are the ones that are really clued into the covenant. Rebekah does, and it’s ironic, Rebekah is the import girl; she comes into the family and she has more awareness of the covenant than her husband who grew up in Palestine under Abraham. Marvelous, that this woman at least picked it up, and she’s going to save the family. And so she loves Jacob, and there’s a split.

In Genesis 25:29-34 we have the most famous passage on subterfuge in literature, apart from Judas’ kiss. It’s the selling of the birthright for the pottage; you’ll see this quoted, speakers refer to it again and again. The point of this subterfuge must be justified. Esau and his father are present-centered men. Jacob and his mother deceive and they lie, and that’s true, they do lie, but on the other hand we have to say, and I’m going to open this up as a possibility, I’m not going to dogmatically say it, but I’m saying this may be one of those cases in Scripture where lying and deception is justified. It’s justified when those in authority defy God’s covenant. When they defy God’s covenant they lose their right to truth, and therefore let them be deceived. When they had the truth they didn’t respond to it so why should we give them any more.

And so possibly we can justify Rebekah as forthrightly lying and being blessed of God because she did lie to her husband. She lied at this point because her husband forsook, through his callousness of Scripture, the very right to be the head of the home. And this shows that God is behind her, Rebekah is never condemned in Scripture; Jacob is never condemned for this in Scripture, just as Rahab is never condemned for her lies in Scripture. It’s a very interesting thing, of all the Ten Commandments there is no commandment that says “thou shalt not lie.” It’s very interesting. That’s not justification for lying promiscuously, but I believe the Word of God gives us an option, that in the day of civil defiance and disorder the Christians can go underground and they can lie and they can be blessed of God for their lies. And so it can be here that in a home situation like this where the father had defied God’s covenant, could care less for the covenant, and has taught his son to care less for the covenant, that the mother then takes leadership over spiritually and she lies and deceives her way and gets the covenant saved in this situation, she gets it to Jacob, the right one. It’s unpleasant, it’s too bad it had to happen this way, but who was the leader of the home? The man was. What did he do with his leadership? Nothing. So then he shouldn’t fuss when his wife deceives him. So this shows you Isaac’s failure in the home. He failed because he failed to apply the Word of God.

In Genesis 26 we could go on and go through this passage, but I want to skip into Genesis 27. In Genesis 26 we have his failure in business. If you want to check this out, read Genesis 26, compare it with the same episode in Abraham’s day and you’ll notice something. You’ll notice (1) there is no divine intervention. This goes on, if you want to look at it real quick, it goes on, it talks about, in Genesis 26:26, how Abraham dwelt in Gerar. Verse 7 he pulls the same stunt his father pulled, passes his wife off as his sister, takes a backseat in the relationship, uses his wife instead of protecting his wife; risks his wife and instead of a godly vision, like happened to his father, remember, God sent a plague on Pharaoh’s house and then a bad dream, and God got him off the hook. Well, it’s kind of a humor coming out in verse 8, Isaac [can’t understand words] so even though he was living off his wife he still liked his sex, and so “it came to pass when he’d been there a long time, that Abimelech, king of the Philistines, looked out the window, and he saw Isaac was sporting [caressing] with Rebekah, his wife.” Well, they weren’t playing ping-pong. And so he realized that hey, you know, this doesn’t look too good for brother and sister so I presume they’re not, and that’s how they got out of the deal. But see, there’s a less spiritual sensitive thing here going on because with Abraham God directly intervened. Here God backs off and lets providence sort of intervene.

We could go on and show how Isaac, if you compare his bargaining, in the rest of the chapter with Abraham’s bargaining, he is not a hard bargainer, like his father was. He doesn’t pin down his business partners like his father does. When his business partners say we want the land Isaac backs up and goes to dig some more wells. Abraham didn’t do that; I’m not digging another well, I own that one and I’m going to sign you on the dotted line that says you recognize my well. But Isaac is becoming passive. See, he’s taking the path of least resistance. First it starts in the home, the wife doesn’t like something, or the children just require too much time to supervise, too many obligations, I’ll just back off and take the easy route, and first thing you know he’s lost control of the whole situation. In his business the same way; instead of sticking to what God has given to him he backs up, and backs up, and backs up, and backs up, and backs up and he’s becoming passive there too.

And now the last thing, in Genesis 27, his wife is in complete rebellion against him. Notice this, this is the famous case where the birthright is stolen through the blessing; the birthright is stolen with the pottage but here is where the final blessing of the father upon his son before the father’s death occurs. And so Rebekah and Jacob have to maneuver around this old man; pathetic case of this man that’s almost blind physically, which is a picture of him spiritually, incidentally, and as he does this he is deceived; a tragedy, a spiritual leader.

Notice Genesis 27:5, “And Rebekah heard when Isaac spoke to Esau, his son.” Watch how she does it, and men, this is how the woman as ‘ezer, has access to all sorts of ways she can fake you out. So Rebekah is listening, she’s overhearing things, so she hears Isaac and his son talk. “And Esau went out to the field to hunt venison. [6] Rebekah spoke unto Jacob, her son, saying, Behold, I heard your father speak unto Esau, thy brother, saying, [7] Bring me venison…. [8] Now therefore, my son, obey my voice according to all which I command you. [9] Go to the flock, and fetch me from there two good kids of the goats; and I will make them savory meat for your father, just as he loves.” In other words, this guy’s got short-term needs, short-term sights, give him what he wants, if we can get anything else out of him. [10] And thou shalt bring it to thy father, that he may eat, and that he may bless thee before his death. [11] And Jacob said to Rebekah, his mother, Behold, Esau, my brother is a hairy man, and I a smooth man. [12] My father, perhaps will feel me, and I shall seem to him as a deceiver; and I shall bring a curse upon me, and not a blessing. [13] And his mother said unto him, Upon me by thy curse, my son, ” [brief skip in tape]

… the fact that she’s overheard, she knows her husbands dietary preferences, the good dishes to cook, she’s got access to Esau’s closet, as all mothers have access to their children’s closets because you know how much you pick up their clothes. [17] “And she gave the savory meat and the bread, which she had prepared, into the hand of her son Jacob.” And it goes on to describe Isaac’s weakness. [19] “And Jacob said unto his father, I am Esau, thy first-born;” and there’s the tragic deception of a loving father, by a deceiving son. But the father really doesn’t love, the father loves short-term gains. And so the result in verse 32, Esau comes back, his father says to him, “Who are you? And he said, I am your son, the first-born Esau. [33]And Isaac trembled very exceedingly,” tremendous agitation because these blessings are irreversible; we don’t know how they went but when the patriarchs blessed it was a once and for all blessing.

Genesis 27:34, “And when Esau heard the words of his father, he cried with a great and exceedingly bitter cry, and said unto his father, Bless me, [me also] O my father. [35] And he said, Your brother came with subtlety, and he has taken away your blessing. [36] [And he said] Is not he rightly named Jacob? For he has supplanted me these two times: he took away my birthright,” see this is the whining crybaby, this is the man who thinks in short-term things, he’s got burned, and now he cries about it. Listen, he just sold his birthright, nobody twisted his arm; Jacob didn’t beat him up, Jacob just said you know, you like short-term stuff, I’ll give you some; you don’t really care for it.

Genesis 27:34, “And Isaac answered and said unto Esau, Behold, I have made him thy lord, and all his brethren I have given to him for servants; and with grain and wine have I sustained hi: and what shall I do now unto you, my son?” And so he goes on and negotiates but the tragedy is that his family falls completely apart, verse 41, “And Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing [with which his father blessed him: and Esau said in his heart], The days of mourning for my father are at hand; then I will kill my brother Jacob.” And so now we have the mental attitude of Cain, physical violence once again in the home. The man turns into a hating murderer.

Genesis 27:42, “And these words of Esau, her elder son, were told to Rebekah: and she sent and called Jacob, her younger son, and said unto him, Behold, thy brother, Esau, as touches thee, he does comfort himself, purposing to kill thee. [43] Now therefore, my son, obey my voice, arise, go, flee to Laban…. [44] And tarry with him a few days, until thy brothers fury be turned away.” [46] “And Rebekah said to Isaac, I am weary of my life because of the daughters of Heth,” these are the two women that Esau married. So now isn’t this a beautiful end, in verse 46, to what started out as a godly designed marriage.

What has happened: It’s very simple, the man failed to exercise spiritual leadership. His wife found herself in a position where she could do none other than exercise spiritual leadership. When she did so she placed herself in direct defiance of his authority; he could then no longer reassert his authority because she’d taken it away. And now here we have a man and a woman living together, the one son that Isaac really liked, Esau, he’s gone ahead and married two girls from Canaan, that’s “the daughters of Heth.” So there’s that whole son has been lost. And the other son, that Rebekah loved, she’s lost him, because he’s gone away. A great ending, isn’t it, to a nice marriage that was planned in Genesis 24. And what happened, male leadership was a big fat zero.